Friday, January 14, 2011

What's your sign?

Now that our Zodiac signs have changed, I'm afraid that Used-To-Be-Love-Of-My-Life-Poppy and I are no longer combatible...I mean compatible. So, after I get my Archie-Hikers, I'll be kicking her to the curb.

Gosh, that reminds me of a story...I try not to talk about religion or politics on the blog cause who wants to hear about that? But this is fun...Seester and I were brought up in a very religious environment. We were Lutherans. Well, I was Lutheran; Seester may very well still be. Dad now considers himself a Baptist. I can't remember why, I think he said the Baptists were more fun.

Growing up, it was considered the work of the Devil if you read your horoscope or played with, or even looked at a Ouija Board. But speaking in tongues was considered being touched by the hand of God; not the right hand, mind you cause he did other things with his right hand...wink, wink, nudge, nudge...say no more. Although they upgraded that tongue thing over the years and now it's considered the work of the El Diablo.

I remember going to friend's house who had the Ouija Board and secretly playing with that Ouija Board. Why, why, why did that little thing your fingers were resting on ALWAYS move?!

By the time nightfall would roll around and it would be time for bed, I'd be so nervous and wrought with guilt that I'd be on my knees praying to the Almighty for forgiveness.

My Mom had this 3-D picture of Jesus that sat on the Hi-Fi (what a crack up) cabinet. It was in a cheap gold metal frame. It had a light that would illuminate 3-D Jesus. But the best part was when you walked back and forth from 3-D Jesus, the picture would change to 3-D Last Supper. Man, I still wish we had that!

Hey, that's weird, there's smoke coming out of my computer!

Uh oh, this is reminding me of more stories. Sorry, gotta let them out...Seester and I were part of our church's youth group, The God Squad. Stop laughing! Why we even had t-shirts that said "God Squad" with a big cross on them. Sure wish I still had that shirt.

Anyway, one time we went on some bus trip to some religious I-don't-know-what in Spokane, Washington. (Seester, no telling the farting story either!) Now the big thing back then (the 70's) in our give-everyone-a-warm-fuzzy-evangelical-church was to be born again. I'm not sure what that meant exactly, cause I was maybe 10, but I knew if I wasn't born again, I wasn't getting through no pearly gates.

I recall we went to some sort of seminar thing where there were lots of people all sitting in bleachers and some guy on the stage was proselytising. I remember crying because I was so wracked with guilt about not being born again. But at the time, I thought I was filled with that Holy Spirit so I started waving my arms back and forth and all that other stuff you do when you're overcome by the Lord-Your-God. I remember looking at my Mom and she was so happy...her daughter would definitely be going to heaven. Holy shite, how messed up is that?

I also remember having a migraine headache (wonder why?) and barfing outside of The Old Spaghetti Factory. Go figure.

I don't know why I've tried to block out my childhood.

Alrighy, how about day two of The First Annual 2011 Imelda Dallmann's Archie-Hiker Shoe Challenge?

Here the are:

Yep, these are the real deal. Chippewa motorcycle boots. Why do I own these? That's right, I used to ride a motorcycle. In fact, Biker-Poppy and I used to have a great time taking road trips up through the Sierra's stopping at every winery. Of course we spit when we tasted...Duh!

I used to be the almost proud owner of a 2004 BMW R1150R. I called it my trick-bike because on several occasions, when I would take off from a stopped position, the engine would die and I'd fall boom-boom and so would my 450lb bike. Yeah, bruise city.

Even though I was a seasoned rider, the bike was German and different from any of the Japanese bikes I'd ridden. That was mostly due to the riding position so really had nothing to do with my skill. Nonetheless, I started to question my ability as a seasoned rider. I had to go so far as to buy engine guards (aka, bumpers) so when I dropped it, I wouldn't keep marring engine covers.

Well, months went buy; maybe even a year. It started to become a joke how many times I dropped that bike. Then I got a recall notice from BMW that said there was a wiring glitch that could cause a short and the engine could cut out without warning. Brought it in for the recall and never dropped it again. Confidence Restored!

Remember Biker-Poppy and I bought Stella-4T Scooters last summer and they were returned to the factory in India to fix some stupid thing required by EPA? Word on the street is that we'll have them in February. I ain't holding my breath though.

Picture this...If Fatass and LuvBacon get down to their old riding weight, you'll be seeing those bad-ass' on their scooters all dressed in their motorcycle boots, chaps and leather jackets. Don't mess with them!

Have a great weekend!

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