Thursday, November 29, 2012

But I don't want to be a Hobbit...

I was commenting to FFM-Laurie that I felt like my nose had lost weight, but wasn't sure if it was that or my face was getting fatter.  Then she told me that as you age, your nose and ears continue to grow.  She said something else grows too, but I forget; I think it's your feet.

What's the one thing I hate almost as much as Minkeys?  Yeah, freakin hobbits!!

And now I find out, that's what I'm going to be when I grow up.  But I want to be a Sooper-Hero!

This bites!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What's on my mind?

All kinds of junk.  For instance, I was in the shower this morning, washing my face and I swear my nose lost weight.  Is that possible?  Maybe my face got fatter.

Another thing...about a month ago, Fatass gave up the boozie.  Yeah, like forever or until such time she gets diagnosed with some incurable disease, then she's going to go buy a pack of Virginia Slims Menthol Lights and a bottle of Maker's Mark and have herself a little party.  But I digress.

Why did Fatass give up the boozie you ask?  Well, she's been drinking consistently since she was 22, that's right, her life has been one giant party!  The problem with that is Fatass seemed to build up a tolerance to the effects of the nectar-o-the-gods and wouldn't you know it, by the age of 50, she could slam down a bottle of wine or two in an evening and have no ill effect.  Now, I'm not saying that Fatass is...well...(whisper when you say it) alcoholic; She just likes mind-altering things.  If it wasn't smoking, it was drinking...or both.  You're probably thinking "Wow, lucky for Fatass, she never got into crack or black tar heroin."  Oh, alright, that was me thinking that.

Now, Fatass has done lots of research (mostly on the Internets and a few books) on the subject of addiction.  She doesn't have an addictive personality, she's got a chemical imbalance which is caused by the drink (or formerly, the cigs).  Evidently, she just likes being high.  Take a way the boozy and you take away the chemical imbalance.  Kind of like Samson and his locks, only different...really different; I checked out that story on the Internets just to make sure I was referencing the right person.  Here are a few excerpts:

Requirements were set up by the Angel of the Lord that Manoah's wife (as well as the child) were to abstain from all alcoholic beverages (little drunk!), and her promised child was not to shave or cut his hair. He was to be a “Nazirite” from birth.

...Delilah calls for a servant to shave Samson's seven locks.  Since that breaks the Nazirite oath, God leaves him, and Samson is captured by the Philistines, who blind him. After being blinded, Samson is brought to Gaza, imprisoned, and put to work grinding grain.

Oh really??  Do people believe this malarkey?  Besides that, the dude only had 7 locks and that must have looked really weird.

I say who needs college when you've got the Internets and books?! Isn't this all so interesting?

Now that Fatass is just regular folk, she has started to notice lots of stuff.  Such as, we know, boozie is just empty calories....lots of calories.  Fatass thinks this is a major contributor to her girth, well that and being 50.  Now that a boozie-free month has passed and that means about 500 or so empty calories a day that Fatass isn't consuming, Fatass keeps expecting to wake up a Sin Fwench Woman; it hasn't happened...yet.  It's coming though, she can feel it.  I'm pretty sure this why her nose feels smaller.

I've always been a klutzy (but happy) drunk.  Seriously, I'm surprised my peeps haven't given me a sippy cup.  Come to find out though, I'm just plain klutzy.  I've been spilling all over myself even without the drink.  The last thing I spilled was a very hot cup of tea on my lap.  Ouch.  I'm hoping for a sippy cup and bib for Christmas!

You know what they say about being sober and hanging out with drunks?  I don't really remember what they say, but it's not like I thought it would be, probably because I was the one who was always the drunk. What else...Oh, I've been sleeping really good and I wake up early, just like I use too.  I feel dizzy a lot, but that can be something that incurable disease I was referring to earlier.

I had my first sober was just like every other Thanksgiving, except I remembered the event the next day.

Remember how I want to be a Superhero?  Well that and a stay-at-home-mom.  Part of my personality that I inherited from my Dad was a wee negative side.  You know how you have "self-talk"?  My self-talk isn't always positive, especially when it comes to change or doing what's best for me.  Don't get me wrong, it doesn't tell me to do bad things like light ants on fire with a magnifying glass, pull the wings off of flies or other bad things.  That would be wrong.  Anyway, in my research, this is referred to as The Ego.  The Ego is bad and we know Fatass is good.  So I decided to give The Ego a better name and a face.

Behold, the NEGIMONSTER:

Oh, wait, that's Hanky-The-Christmas-Pooh...

Here we go:

Yeah, that's Fatass' negative alter-ego.  So now that it has a name and a face, Fatass can conquer it and then use her powers for good!

Stay tuned, there's some exciting stuff coming Sooper-Fatass' way!


Sunday, November 25, 2012

And now it's all over...

One holiday down, one to go!  I can't even think of putting anymore Thanksgiving in my mouth...thanks but no thanks!  here's the last of the Thanksgiving slurry that I et:

We also served prime rib so I made Yorkshire Pudding for the first time.  That was really cool.  Do you know the history of Yorkshire Pudding?  I didn't.  Why consult the Internets when I have Poppy-Pedia right here.  Seems that the poor folks would only get the drippings from the meat so to make something out of the drippings to fill the tummy, somebody came up with Yorkshire Pudding.  Not sure I believe it.  Where did they get the drippings and yet none of the meaty bits?

So I consulted the Internets after all.  Basically, it's the same, except they did have the meat; it was a way to stretch the meal.  In fact, it was served as a first course.  So there you go!  Oh, and it's not considered Yorkshire Pudding unless it's at least four inches tall.  Mine was not, so it's called "Dripping Pudding".

Here's Seester making her famous deviled eggs:

Oh and Pumpkin-Poppy made the family's Triangle-C Pumpkin Cheesecake:


So everyone kept saying how moist the turkey was.  I couldn't figure it out cause it was just a regular Merican Foster Farms turkey.  I put rosemary, a head of garlic and some shallots in the cavity; rubbed the outside with butter, salt and pepper and that was it...until long after Turkey-Carving-Poppy and I were home and she told me she found the bag of giblets in the cavity!

Here's the thing, I thought it was weird that those nice Merican folks at Foster Farms would only put the neck in the cavity.  I swear, I rooted around in that cavity, which wasn't that big, more than once and from both ends and found nothing!

At least the bag was paper and not plastic!

Note to self: for a very moist turkey, leave the bag-o-giblets in the cavity.

Moving on...I spied a bag in the freezer marked "pork bits".  Say, let's make pork chili!!!  So that's what I did.  Even more Nom than my "Giblet Turkey".

Normally, I wouldn't have salad with chili, but I'd not seen anything green in days...


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Countdown Begins...

Thanksgiving is just about I write this Bro-N-Law is at the store with the grocery list.  That's right Seester and I sent him out all on his own to do the whole thing...

Now Seester and I are highly organized so the shopping list was set up in the order of the store if you enter and take a right.  So far, we've only had one Food 911 call.

So, on Le Menu:

Crudites (just about the only healthy thing you'll find)
Jumbo Black Olives (yes, you must put them on the end of your fingers...because it's fun, that's why!)
Mom's Cookies (no holiday is complete without them)
Spanish Peanuts (For Dad...the ones with the red skins on them, Damn it!)
Deviled Eggs (Seester makes the best!)

Salady Things
Dad's Fruit Salad (don't even think of calling it Ambrosia)
Cranberry Sauce (Fresh whole and the stuff in the shape of the can; yes!)

Mashed Potatoes (Duh)
Gravy (Duh, II)
Corn Nibblets w/bacon fried in piggy fat (I'm thinking indigenous to the holiday AND I love the word "Nibblet")
Mom's Stuffing (Just the best thing ever)
Horsey Sauce
Yorkie Pudding
Dinner Rolls (Bro-N-Law's Bro works at a Phew-Phew market and will bring those)

Meaty Offerings
Prime Rib (we hope)

Pumpkin Pie (store bought...I ain't no baker, remember?)
Pumpkin Cheesecake (Spring-Form-Pan-Poppy is making it!)
Acorn Candy (little blobs of peanut butter rolled in the shape of an acorn, dipped in chocolate and then a piece of pretzel is stuck in the top as a branch)

Here's a little T-Day trivia:

Historians have suggested that many of the dishes were likely prepared using traditional Native American spices and cooking methods. Because the Pilgrims had no oven and the Mayflower’s sugar supply had dwindled by the fall of 1621, the meal did not feature pies, cakes or other desserts, which have become a hallmark of contemporary celebrations.
This was right before we gave the Native Americans all our contagious diseases.  I will think of this as I shove a piece of that pumpkin cheesecake down my gullet!
Sometime last year, you may recall that me, Seester and FFM-Laurie went on a diet.  You had to pay $5 a week to weigh in and if you gained any weight, you had to throw in $1 per pound gained.  Well, as the weeks went on, it was clear that none of us were taking this very serious.  We decided it was stupid and that we should take the money and do what any fatties would do...go out to dinner!

Tonight we head to Nick's Rockaway with $122 towards our dinner!

I leave you with this, just cause she so stinkin cute!

Hope you and yours have a fabulous Day of Thanks!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Unseasoned Bread Cubes...

Why is it so hard to find unseasoned bread cubes??  This is the third year in a row I couldn't find them.  Mind you, I don't mind making my own, but that takes time and I've got better things to do!

Gotta keep the door closed so the cat doesn't sit on the bread...Mmmm furry stuffing!

So, in Fatass' attempt to be a sin fwench woman, look at what Stamina-Stepper-Poppy got her:

That's right, I can exercise while I work.  I will admit it's a little hard to type while standing on it, but you can also use it sitting.  That's much easier.  I've only sent 3 emails to the wrong people...this needs some getting use too.

Did someone say new shoes??

That's right, Fatass got a (oh, alright, another) pair of new shoes.  Tightwade-Poppy swears she said I couldn't get them until the beginning of December, but I heard no such thing.  She's a very poor liar, by the way.  Anyway, it's been, well, a whole two months since I've bought a new pair of shoes...and I've been a very good girl!  Besides, these are really the last pair of shoes I'll ever need...really!

Bye bye!

Monday, November 12, 2012

I say "Fashion Yes!"...

So. Fatass decided to get serious about dropping some pounds...yeah, more serious than the other five times...Besides the whole Primal Diet that she and Neanderthal-Poppy have been on for almost three years, Fatass has given up the boozie...and she thinks it's pretty much a forever thing.

Anyway, in order to start a new program, one must dress for success!  Shoppy-Poppy and Fatass set out today for some new exercise clothes.  Fatass fancies herself a runner, after all she did complete a marathon in 1998.

Check it out the new duds:

I know, I can just hear all the girls and boys whistling as I run past...

Just to make sure I could stretch out in my new suit of polyester:

Talk about flexibility, eh?

Don't forget the Wall Stretch:

You're probably also wondering about my running boots.  I got these at the "Run Forrest Run" store.

I decided I loved the outfit and it was so dang comfy that I wore it home.  I think I started something cause folks were pointing and covering their mouths with excitement!  I think I even heard someone say "Caliente".  Oh yeah, Fatass is a hottie, alright!  I think Poppy's gonna get her some of that!

Gotta run!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

I had a scathingly brilliant idea...

For a new herb salt. Won't tell you what it is cause I'm unveiling for the holidays.

Guess you could probably figure it out from the pic.

Everything was going swell, until I washed my knife...

Why is it, the only time I cut myself is when I'm cleaning my knife.  Anyway, it's kind of bad.  Pretty sure I cut it to the bone but ain't no way I'm going to the emergency room.  I asked Good-Aseptic-Technique-Poppy if she would stitch it up for me, but she said some junk about introducing infection or something.  Boo!  Hey, maybe I'll cauterize it...I can do that with one hand and metal skewer and don't need no stinkin help!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

I have a new obsession...


I've always enjoyed drinking tea.  This used to be one of the things that Mom and I enjoyed doing together.  It probably started after we went to the Japanese Tea Garden.  Anyway, Mom bought a little teapot with four matching cups.  Figure, I was probably 8 or 9 when this ritual started.  Still have one little cup left.

I can't quite figure the picture out, but I think it's there's some sort of abuse going on.

Anyway, I found this tea company,, where I order a lot of my tea.  In fact, I even made my own blend, Ginger Me Lemon, not sure I like it though.  It's 40% Ginger Ceylon, 40% Lemongrass and 20% Citron Green.  Then an extra added scoop of dried ginger. I think I made it too strong.

Like wine, there is much to learn about tea...right down to the tea pot.  So, if you're going to go, go big!  Here's my new cast iron teapot:

Cool.  Right now, I'm enjoying a pot of Rooibos Coconut. My all-time favorite at the moment is Genmai Cha.  But I'm sure once I get into this, there will be many more...Another one that's really good is Korean Barley Tea!

Tomorrow will be my first attempt at bowling since the carpal tunnel surgery.  I don't remember my other hand taking this long to feel better.  This thing still hurts!


Monday, November 5, 2012

Hmmm, it's Monday!

We've been pretty busy.  Spent the weekend at A/C up at their Clear Lake house.  Of course, I didn't take any pictures...well, there was pizza making:


Oh, and they sent us home with a big box of apples:

I'll be making a butt-load of applesauce and freezing it.  Another NOM!

It was a perfectly relaxing weekend!

RayRay-Mae was in the Mission over the weekend and sent me this:

How cool is that?  They sit at the base of all the trees along the street.  I want one!

Hmmm, other than that, life is kind of quiet right now.