Thursday, March 28, 2013

Are You Ready...

For another adventure in the life of Fatass?  Oh, I know you are...

You may remember me telling you a story about when Fatass was a Pleasantly-Plump-Little-Girl of about 10 and Fatass' Mother took Fatass to a Weight Watchers meeting.  Fatass thought this was the weirdest thing and told her Mother it was like a convention of fat people and all they talked about was food.

Fast-forward 40 years and here we are.  Seester and FFM-Laurie have both joined WW and have each lost over 20lbs.  Fatass is very jealous...but in the most supportive kind of way.  Fatass is starting to think this may not be such a bad idea, even though we know what happens when you stop doing WW.  That said, she joined online WW and will attend her first convention of fat people on Saturday morning.

Some of you fatties out there probably know a little bit about how WW's based on a point system.  You get a bunch of points based on your weight and you log the foods you eat and shouldn't go over your points per day.  So, Fatass gets to eat 26 points of food/drink per day.  Most fruits and veggies are zero points so you can eat as much of those as you like.  The big category points come from fat and bad carbs.  Now, in addition to those 26 points, you get bonus 49 points to use throughout the week. Evidently, these are referred to as "Drinking Points" but you can use them for any kind of food/drink.  Oh, did I mention I'm drinking?  Yeah, that whole not drinking thing was stupid and so not fun.

Anyway, there are also "Activity Points".  These points are earned by exercising.  So, check it out:

Hard to read, but this is what I've had for breakfast and lunch.  I've used 3 points out of my 26.  You'll notice the weekly points that are supposed to be 49 are 38 and that I used to have 3 activity points.  Why you may ask?  I will tell you...Poco-Poppy and I attended one of our exhibit openings here at work.  Graphic-Poppy and Designer-RayRay worked on the exhibit.  They are very talented people...artists, really.  That's why they sleep late, cause they are artists and artists stay up late being artsie.

So, at the opening there was wine and cheese.  The wine is 4 points for 5oz and the cheese is 3 points per 1oz.  Knowing I was going to be partaking of the wine and cheese, I ate very little pointage yesterday during the day.  After it was all said and done, I had to take out a withdrawal from the weekly points bank so that esplains why my 49 points went to 38 and I have no more banked activity points.  The good news is those 49 points per week will reset on Saturday.  Man, this is getting complicated.

But wait, there's more complication...seeing that Fatass eats primaly, her fat intake is higher than the average WW member and her carb intake is way lower than the average WW member. 

Here's today's breakfast:

Seriously no different than I would normally eat for breakfast...well, there might be some cheese involved. I think the biggest challenge will be portion controlling my fats (meat, glorious, meat) and my wine but it's totally doable.

Exercise, of course, is key.  I figure, what better way to get exercise than to enlist my new workout buddy, Run-Like-The-Wind-Jax.  So, that's what I did.

Yesterday morning, I set the alarm for 6:30am.  Since I hate waking up to an alarm, I always wake up before it goes off.  I woke up at 6:15.  Like Poppy-The-Artist, I wanted to go back to bed. I laid there trying to self-talk myself into getting up...and I did.  I got up and turned off the alarm.  This is where Run-Like-The-Wind-Jax hops out of her bed raring to go...only this time, she just turned over and went back to sleep.  My immediate thought is GIFT and I reset the alarm and climbed back into bed.

Now I'm laying there thinking what kind of unsupportive workout buddy do I have??  Yeah, so, I get back out of bed, turn off the alarm and pry the little dog out of her bed.  Once she figured out we were going for a very brisk walk, in the wee dark hours of the morning, she was beside herself with joy.  A good workout buddy after all!  That half-hour of brisk walking earned me 3 activity points...which I drank away last night.

There you have it, I'll write more after Saturday's meeting when I get weighed in and have to sit through all the other fatties talking about food.

Hey, meet the newest member of our family:

That's right, it's a freakin sock monkey!  Primate-Poppy adopted him from the antique store.  His name is Pistol-Pete, but I call him Sweetie-Peetie...he's a drunk and needs a sippy cup!


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I have been completely uninspired to write...

There has been tons of stuff going on, I just haven't felt like writing about it.

So...let's talk about taxes! I know I talked about getting, okay, messing up Dad's taxes.  But that's all fixed now.  I went to Liberty Tax to have it done.  I thought it would make more sense for Refund-Poppy and I just to take our taxes to the same place, at the same time.

See, we go to Ginger-The-Tax-Lady.  We like her and all, but she's in Millbrae and why go down there if we can have them done down the street for a wee cheaper?

Price-Line-Negotiator-Poppy asked the Tax-Preparer-Guy-Mike to give us an estimate on getting our taxes done.  Ginger-The-Tax-Lady will do ours for just under $400.  Oh, and I had that 30% coupon that I could use for Liberty.  We get an email from Tax-Preparer-Guy-Mike that he can do our taxes for $540 and that includes the 30% off!!!  WTF??

Why is getting our taxes done so expensive when we are just like you and everyone else out there?  Oh wait, we're not...WE'RE GAY!  So, in order for my Domestic-Partner-Poppy and I to have our Gay Taxes done, we'll pay more than double than all my non-gay-married-friends and family.  Now, this is because we file jointly with the state because we are domestic partners.  Because the feds don't recognize us, we have to file separately so that just mucks up the whole return process.

It just ain't fair!  But, love is in the air and the tides are turning...


Thursday, March 14, 2013

Happy Anniversary!

Twenty-five years ago today I was hired to work for BK!

Sure been fun...looking forward to the next Club Fed.


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

How artsie-fartsie can you get with your camera phone?

Well, I was in the kitchen the other day and saw this cool reflection:

Oh, and then did some flower arranging.  I call this minimalist-dia-de-los-muertos-lillies:

While out house-hunting on Sunday, Poppy-The-Hustler got her game on...


That's it for my artsie-fartsie.

So, I had this scathingly-brilliant idea that I'd do Dad's taxes myself this year.  Really, how hard can it be?  All you do is enter numbers...It's not like I have to do math or anything.  Well, I was all excited when I got it all done and hit the "electronic file" button.  I did think it was a little odd that there was no refund, nor did he owe anything to the State.  Hmmm...oh, hey, what's that piece of paper in the envelope that I didn't see?  Oh, it's his 1099-R.  Rut-roh...this changes things, a lot.

I quickly learned that once you file, it's not like you can get the returns back for a do-over.  No, you have to file a 1040X and a 540X.  You can't do these electronically, either.  You have to do them by hand.  Rut-roh, this will require math and a calculator but I'm not afraid...

After a couple of hours of trying to figure out what the hell I was doing, I got a bad headache.  This prompted me to make a call to my new friends at Liberty Tax.  They seemed really happy to help me out so I'm going for a visit tonight.  I have a feeling I probably messed up Dad's return, even had I not forgot that important piece of paper with all the numbers on it.

You know, the cool thing about Club-Fed is that I'll get to meet new people and I won't have to clean the house anymore.  Sounds good to me!


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Welcome to Portland...

So, Dad's caregivers (aka Seester and Bro-In-Law) went to Portland to visit Daughter-Ashley and BF-Adam.  Here is their trip from my perspective...

They had Mimosas.


Aren't they cute?  That's Niece-Ashley and Nephew-Adam.

Poppy and I answered that with a little of the Irish.

FFM-Laurie answered with a Cosmo courtesy of the Moonraker.

They ate a lot.  Really, I mean a lot of NOMMY looking food.


Yeah, that's a Cap't Crunch donut!

So did Dad.  He loves him some Terri's.

I cooked a lot. Ouch!

They walked around a lot.

Last, but not least...I got treats.  Here's one of them:

Not just a wallet, it's a Duct Tape wallet!!!


Friday, March 1, 2013

No pretty pictures for this writing...

So get over it.

I'm really ticked off right now.  Been spending a few days with Dad while his main caregivers take a break and go visit their daughter in Portland.  Today, Dad and I went to see a movie and to Taco Bell for his #8 crunchy and my #3 crunchy.  That's exactly and I mean, exactly, how I ordered it.  The dropout behind the counter says "For here or to go?"  I say "For here."  She gives me my receipt and tells me I'm number 210.

Dad finds a seat and I get our drinks.  I tell Dad that I can't hear the guy calling the numbers so I go up to the counter and I wait. The guy puts a bag up on the counter and says 209.  I wait longer.  He asks what number I am.  I say 210.  He says the bag is mine.  I said "but my order was for here."  He tries to hand me a tray.  I say it doesn't matter.  I take the bag and go sit down.

I start taking things out of the bag and notice that it's the wrong order, which I thought all along.  I go back and tell the guy and he disagrees with me.  Then he takes my receipt and starts pointing at it.  Ahhhh...what my receipt said was #3 and #9...not a #8.  Then I swear to Cod, the dude goes "You really need to confirm the order when she repeats it back."  Are you F-ING KIDDING ME!?  I know what I said...#3 and #8 and it's FOR HERE!  No, shit...back in the day when I worked at Taco Bell, I would have been fired for telling a customer they were wrong.  Why?  Yeah, because the customer is always right, that's why!

Have I ever mentioned that Pacifica is like a visit to the Twilight Zone.  Taco Bell was bad enough, but now I gotta go buy a pair of shoelaces.  I figure I'll run into Rite Aid, even though I know I'm going to be stepping into some kind of time warp.  Don't ask me why, but once you enter that building it's as if you've entered another realm.

I find my shoelaces but I'm not sure what color I want.  I figure it's not like I can't use two pairs, so I get both.  The price of a pair of shoelaces is $5.45.  Crazy, huh?  So I go up to the counter where there's some kind of shit-storm going on and I know I'm going to be here for a lifetime.  I'm listening to two workers yell back and forth..."Steve will be up in a minute." worker says.  The other worker says "Sheve, who is Sheve?" Oh for Christ sakes!  I get up to the counter and give her my shoelaces.  She rings them up and says in a surprised raised voice "TEN DOLLARS!"  I go "Yeah, who knew shoelaces were so expensive, but really, how often do you buy shoelaces?"  I figured that was an intelligent response.  She totally starts mumbling about how everything these days is expensive.  Get me the hell out of there!

As I said earlier, I'm staying with Dad for a few days.  The first morning, Dad had watched the Pope leave office.  He came out and said...

Dad: Well, the Pope is gone.
Me: He was really old.
Dad: Yeah, he was really frail.
Dad: Did you know there are 1.2 billion Catholics in the world?
Me: Nope. That's a lot of Catholics!
Dad: Yeah, I hate Catholics!
Me: That's a lot of people to hate...

Before we left to see a movie today I asked...

Me: Dad, what kinds of treats do you get when you go see a movie?
Dad: I don't get anything...that place is a gyp-joint!
Me: Oh.

We saw Silver Lining Playbook.  I really had no desire to see it and Picture-Show-Poppy can tell you it takes a lot to get me to the movie theatre, especially if it's sunny out.  I've had trouble even remembering the name of the flick we were going to see.  Kept thinking it was something about singing playbooks or something.  Anyhoo, way good.  That's the kind of movie that sticks with you for a while.

I also had rented the Ten Commandments figuring Dad would enjoy that and I've been wanting to see it.  This is one of the movies we'd watch every Easter.  It's one long movie too...3.5 hours.  We were almost done when Dad stood up and said...

Dad: What time is it?
Me: 9:20.
Dad: I'm going to bed!
Me: Don't you want to see the end of the movie?
Dad: Oh hell no, what a stupid movie!
Me: But Dad, it's history...right out of the Bible.
Dad: Really?
Me: Yeah, really...Kind of cool God talks from a burning bush!
Dad: I'm going to bed.
Me: Heathen.

Have a nice weekend!