I'm so glad we had this time together,

Just to have a laugh, or sing a song.

Seems we just got started and before you know it

Comes a time we have to say, 'So long.'

Why...

Would you put a minkey in a snow globe?

To scare small children and people like me, that's why!

Got me thinking about the snow globe.  Personally, I've never been a fan. I think I broke one when I was a kid and got in trouble for the big mess. Anyway, let's see what our Internets say about them...

At the end of the 19th century Erwin Perzy, a producer of surgical instruments, invented the so-called Schneekugel (snow globe) and got the first patent for it. Originally his goal was to develop an extra bright lightsource for use as a surgical lamp. As he tried to intensify the candlepower of a so-called Schusterkugel (a water filled flask used to focus light since the Middle Ages) with particles made out of different materials for reflection purpose, the effect reminded him of snowfall and it's said that by this he got the idea for a snow globe. He then built his first actual globe with the basilica of Mariazell as a model in it. Because of the great request for his snow globes, Perzy, along with his brother Ludwig opened a shop in Vienna, where the production continues until today as a family business. Today the globes get exported throughout the world; the material out of which the "snow" is made is handed down from generation to generation as a production secret (it should float as long as possible in the water before sinking down).

In the United States, the first snow globe-related patent was granted in 1927 to Joseph Garaja of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In 1929, Garaja convinced Novelty Pool Ornaments to manufacture a fish version underwater.

In America, during the 1940s, snow globes were often used for advertising. In Europe, during the 1940s and 1950s, religious snow globes were common gifts for Catholic children. Snow globes have appeared in a number of film scenes, the most famous of which is the opening of the 1941 classic Citizen Kane.

Well, isn't that interesting? Strange that the Catholics put God in a snow globe.  Guess anything to sell it to the little children...get 'em hooked early.  Wonder what the Holy Spirit looked like in a snow globe?  Creepier than the minkey, I'm thinking!

Hey, check out Mom-Jean:

I think Fiberglass-Blue is her color! Someone went boom-boom...

This is Jake, one of Mom-J's caretakers...well, he's more of an overseer.

Fun times!

Later.

I wanna write a book!

I've wanted to write a book for years. I think that's partly why I started this blog.  It's kind of like writing a book, only different.  Whenever I think about what I want to write about, it's like I have a visual of this black void in my brain.  This has not been conducive to my starting a book.  So, I figure there are a few questions I must ask myself about writing my book.

Q. Why do I want to write a book?
A. I dunno.  It's not about making money or being published. I don't even think I've got a burning desire to be heard.

Q. What do I want to write about?
A.  I dunno.  Recall the black void I see in my head.

I was talking to Problem-Solving-Poppy about this and she suggested I talk to MomJean.  MomJean is published and was an editor by trade.  So, while I'm here watching MomJean's broken leg heal, what a perfect time to pick her brain.

So, I tell her I want to write a book and that Offspring-Poppy suggested I talk to her about it.  MomJean asks "Oh, well, what do you want to write about?"

GOD-DUH!

Think I'll stick to blogging until the black void starts to fill up.

Um, Broke-Back-Becky has been having a crappy run of luck lately...well for a few years now.  I'm convinced there is some bad energy coming from something or somewhere and is causing all this turmoil.  I think that bad ju-ju-energy is coming from Poppy's Stella-Hella-Piece-O-Junk. While BB-Becky was out of town last week...watching MomJean's broken leg heal, I decided I would rid SHPOJ of her bad ju-ju-energy.  See?

Yeah, Stella got a smudging with sage.  I lit it all up and walked around Stella like 3 times saying "THE  POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!  THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"  Yeah, and then Stella's handlebars spun around and projectile vomited split pea soup all over me.  Not really, but I did start thinking that since Stella-Hella-Piece-O-Junk regularly smells like leaking gas that I might possibly explode, so I took my smudge-bucket to the backyard.

It remains to be seen if this worked.  BB-Becky is still walking around so I say we're off to a good start.

Later!

Someone is feeling very depressed...

Poor girl misses her Udder-Mudder.  Really, she never lays on that ottoman.  She only uses it to look out the window.  She's starting to get sad little bags under her eyes too.

The other day I saw this recipe for an Asian-Quinoa salad.  Looked really good too...only Quinoa and soy beans ain't on the diet...but cashews are!  Besides, the recipe was really about the dressing and not the salad...I can't wait for leftovers tonight!

Jealous-Poppy has read my blog and I sent her this picture last night and she replied "Why are you making all this good stuff when I'm not there??" Poor-Poppy...but c'mon, it's not like she's suffering with Aunt K's cooking!  I pale in comparison to both Aunt K and Aunt L's cooking skills.  They both have that talent of taking a bunch of stuff out of the fridge and producing a restaurant-worthy meal.

I haven't decided what I'll be cooking next.  I've been craving shrimp though.  Maybe some Old Bay and peel-n-eat shrimp!

The possibilities are endless.

Later.

You know you're getting old when...

You apply for Long Term Care Insurance.  Actually, you know you're old when you have to start thinking about this stuff.  

That's right folks, I'm one step closer to wearing my seafoam green velour jogging suit, riding my Hoveround while shouting obscenities and trying to mow down small children. YES!

I guess the good news is, I'm healthy enough to have made it through the underwriting process without any exclusions.  What does all this mean?  It means that I-Don't-Like-Pooh-Pooh-Poppy won't have to change my dirty XXL big-girl diapers.

All this peace of mind for the low, low price of $100 per month.  What are the odds I make it through old age with no problems whatsoever, drop dead and never use the benefit?  I'll be pissed!  Can you imagine...say I stay healthy until like I'm 90.  I'm 52 now.  So, 90 - 52 = (wait, let me get my calculator...) 38 years, I think.  Multiply that by $1,200 per year and that's a lot like (wait, let me get my calculator...) 45,000ish dollars.  Hmmm, I thought it would be more.  Now it doesn't seem so bad.  Although, with that kind of cash, I could buy a butt-load of shoes AND a different shade of Jordan Almond jogging suit for every day of the week!!!

Okay, I only see 6 colors of the Jordan Almond...guess I'll be doubling up on one...hope my XXL big-girl diapers don't leak cause then I'll smell like old lady peepee.  Don't-Make-Me-Smell-Old-Lady-PeePee-Poppy would not take kindly to that!

Like sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives! 

Went to see the BFF...

Over the weekend. We ate a lot.

Let's see...oh, we were going to go kayaking on the Merican River, but the Hornets were having a crew event so we went hiking instead.

Then we ate. We had Pho.  I had the rare steak and tendon pho.  NOM!  I've been so curious about the tendon part so I finally had a chance to try it.  I will definitely have that again!

Then we walked around the outdoor mall.

Check out all the junk in my signature color!

There was Mall Art.

I embraced my inner thug.

Then we ate more:

That's a venison double-decker taco supreme!  We also made wild boar tacos.

Then it was time to go home.  Look what happened on the way home...

Yep, our 7-year old truck turned over 40,000!

Then there was more eating...

Poppy fetched us a happy cow flank steak from the deep freeze.  I marinated it in balsamic, olive oil, garlic, Italian seasoning, whole grain mustard, salt and pepper.  FFM-Laurie gave me a basil plant for my birthday, so I made a caprese salad to go with.  NOM!!!

Chow, man!

Well...

Turning 52 sure was fun!

There was paragliding...

Yeah, right...no, that's not me.  Couldn't pay me to do that.  But it was fun to watch.

There was hiking...

There was my annual Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Family Style Deluxe extravaganza...

Gross. So, for some reason, my M&C just didn't do it for me this year, so now I'm on the hunt for a new tasty treat sensation for next year's celebration.  Might be ceviche...

And of course, there was lots of relaxing...

Yay!

I have gas!

No, not that kind of gas...not right this moment anyway.  The petroleum product kind of gas.

My story begins shortly after we moved to the Outerlands.  I was going to the 76 station closest to the house up until about 2 years ago I went in to get petrol and Mr. Attendant-Guy hadn't unlocked the pumps.  I asked if he was open and he got all huffy.  So...that gas station is dead to me.

Now I go to the 76 station by Old Great Highway and Lincoln.  A couple of weeks ago, I made my weekly stop at said gas station.  When I pulled the nozzle off the pump thing, gas started spewing all over the place.  Mostly on my hands.  I wrestled the hose into my gas tank hole trying not to pour the crap all over my scooter...but I did.  Once I'd finished pouring gas all over the place and trying to clean it up, I go to see Mr. Attendant-Guy to tell him his nozzle is leaking.  He looks at me with a blank stare.  So I say "No, really, it's leaking all over the place and I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust!"  He walks out to look at the nozzle and has me point to where it's leaking.  He says "Hose" and walks away.  So...this gas station is dead to me too.

I tell Poppy about my trials and she says "Where are you going to get your gas now that all the gas stations are dead to you?" I replied "I'm going to walk."

Okay, so today I reluctantly go to the spewing gas gas station to fill up. Just to be safe, I go to a different pump.  I take out my card and start pressing all the buttons. I'm getting ready to "Remove Nozzle" but instead the machine says "SEE CASHIER".  Huh?  I guess I entered my zip code wrong or something.  I go through the process again and get the same error.  Oh kiss my butt!

I go in to SEE CASHIER.  I say "The pump says SEE CASHIER".  She goes "___________".  Yeah, she just stared at me.  WTF?  I go "What do you think I ought to do?"  She says "Not me, it's machine."  Whatever!  For shits-n-grins, I drive over to another pump (no, not the squirting one) and try again.  Same SEE CASHIER stupid message.

I'm outta there.  Thing is, I'm on E and the next gas station I can think of is another 76 up on Geary.  Yeah, I made it and I got my goddamn gas!

Now I'm wondering why are there so many 76 gas stations here?  Are they all owned by the same weirdo family that has a creepy staring problem?  Just for fun, I went on my Internets.

Check out the Supermodel video: http://www.76.com/OurGas

At first I was offended, then I realized it was kind of a joke, but I don't think it's funny.  Must be my mood.

Why is it whenever I write this blog, I always feel like I need to post pics?

Okay...

She's the cutest little thing ever!

You just can't make this stuff up...

See this picture?

 

See the blue-ish green car with the door open. Yeah, that’s a government car. That government car is being driven by our health and safety officer. Said health and safety officer just tried to back out of that parking space and backed right into the giant office supply truck. I am dying! We’re all wondering if he is going to write himself up for it…Safety first, man!

Oh...

Happy Easter!

Okay, so what's for dinner?

I've been in a cooking slump these past few days.

We had our friends over for a BBQ on Saturday and PK-Cooker-Poppy tried out the old/new cooker.  Didn't go as planned but that's a whole other story.  As with most BBQ's, we had leftovers. I made Texas-Poppy's favorite Texas Potato Salad...she wanted extra so consequently, we never want to eat another helping of potato salad ever again, ever!

I had some hard boiled eggs leftover from that so I decided last night I'd make some quick and dirty deviled eggs. Hey, do you say "hard cooked or hard boiled"?  Figure that's kind of like "pop" and "soda".  Anyway, today, I very carefully brought them to work.  Very carefully...

Uh oh...

Yeah, deviled egg carnage!

Time to talk about IT...again.  I'm still searching for IT.  Advencha-Poppy bought us a Groupon for kayaking.  We've been kayaking before.  It's fun, but I'm not sure it's my IT.  It's sooo labor intensive.  Gotta drive there.  Gotta put on a wetsuit and given that I am not a sin fwench woman yet, trying to get in that wetsuit is like trying to stuff too much sausage meat in a too small casing.  Oh, and the fact that a shark may mistake me for a well fed seal makes me a little nervous too. Good thing Preparedness-Poppy and I have applied for long term care insurance!  Although, my application hasn't finished the underwriting process.

About that...after I applied on my Internets for the policy, they called me for a phone interview.  That was basically to go over all the questions I'd answered on the application to test my truthiness.  Anyway, before she starts asking me all this stuff, she tells me I can't use a pen or pencil during the interview.  Huh? I ask why, but she doesn't really know.  So after she finishes up, she tells me to grab a pen and write down a confirmation number.  GOD-DUH!

Okay, back to IT.  So, here's some thoughts on IT:

I don't want to have to drive anywhere to do IT, unless I want too;
I don't want to have to wear a wetsuit, harness or anything that can be nicknamed a contraption to do IT;
I'm so okay if I have to buy new shoes to do IT; and
It would be great if IT involved the little dog.

All this points to IT as either running or walking (aka, shuffling).  Walking is so doable.  Shuffling?  Well, I'm still seeing Anita-The-Acupuncturist and she's working miracles, but it may take more than a miracle to fix my knee.  So, if all points of IT lead to walking or shuffling, where will I find time to do IT?

And here is my Oprah-ahh-ha! moment...

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

IT all comes down to discipline and there you have it folks...IT is actually DISCIPLINE!

BOOM!

For those of you with DISCIPLINE, where to you find it and can you help me find it?  Don't bother, I know the answer.

Moving on...I took the little dog to the beach after work last night.  Look at that happy little dog, she just loves her some beach!

Later!

I'll try anything once...

As long as it's not illegal and won't hurt.

Check this out...my co-worker brought in some coffee for folks to try.  She picked it up in Bali.  She said it's "bucket list" coffee.  Huh?  She went on to esplain that it's the coffee bean that some animal eats the bean pod and then poops out the bean.  Then I guess a bunch of little old ladies collect and wash the beans and sell it for 5 times as much as your runs (get it...runs!) of the mill Folgers.

Over the teeth and through the gums; look out tummy...here it comes!

Mmmm...mmmm...good to the last drop!  Barnyardy with a citrusy hint of cat pee.

I tried to get BK to taste it with me, but she didn't want nothin to do with that. I thought we did everything together, worked together, shared a cell at Club Fed together...Whatever!

Can you get E-Coli poisoning from coffee?

Next on my list: owl barf tea!

Okay, well...nature calls!

Today, I'd like to talk about toilet paper...

Why do I want to talk about toilet paper?  Well, Puff-Pastry-Poppy and I were at O'Reilly's Irish Pub last night...I had the smoked haddock and leek pot pie thing.  Damn good.  Poppy had the Irish stew.  Double damn good.  We stopped in to listen to some Irish "trad" music.

Anyway, I had to tinkle so I went into the bathroom and saw this:

I got to thinking about the humble toilet paper and how these companies come up with the names and the advertising campaigns.  I never realized how competitive selling toilet paper can be.  I mean, what the heck does toilet paper have to do with heaven?  Have you ever been touched by Heaven?  I haven't.

So, I consulted my Internets to see what is going on in the toilet paper world...I found more religious toilet paper:

Angel Soft...how do we know that an angel is soft?  That's no angel, that's a baby.  If that baby is an angel, that means it's dead, yet it looks alive.  Guess that esplains the halo.  Creepy.

Next up, the animals.  I have never seen a bear use Charmin or any toilet paper for that matter.  Although, I've never really witnessed a bear shitting in the woods so I can't confirm or deny that the bear uses toilet paper, but if Mr. Bear does use the toilet paper, he uses 4x less if he's using the Charmin!

Here's Lambi.  Evidently, Lambi is a smart lamb cause he's wearing glasses.  The picture is so small that I can't read the writing on the toilet paper.  I hope it isn't offensive. What's even more shocking than Lambi wearing glasses is that Lambi can write! Must have opposable hooves.  If the toilet paper was made of wool, I could totally get on board with lamb/toilet paper analogy, but really, who wants to wipe their butt with wool?  

One of my favs...

Who wouldn't buy Hello Kitty Kiss toilet paper?!

Okay, and this last one I find particularly offensive:

It's bad enough that the Techsters are taking over our town, but now they have their own elitist toilet paper? WTF?!  Probably made with gold dust and the tears of displaced San Franciscans. I hate to admit it, but I'd secretly like to try this elitist toilet paper.  Are the sheets bigger?  Are the plys hand sewn?  Will it blow smoke up my ass?  Whatever!

Now I'm depressed.  Let's talk about happy stuff like:

My radish plate, poppies and BACON!

I don't really want to talk about them, just want to exit this with happy stuff.

Yay for me!

We bought some new backyard furniture...

Oh, okay...Exterior-Designer-Poppy bought us some new backyard furniture.  You know, if it were left up to me, I'd be sitting on milk crates and staring at a blank wall.  Kind of like Roger, only different:

Check it out...

The following are for when Sunset Magazine comes out to do a spread on us...

Just in case you're wondering...that's non-alcoholic beer I'm drinking cause I haven't had a freakin drink in 7 months.  Why did I think it was the drink that made me fat?

Anyway, some years back, Holiday-Poppy and I were having Christmas at MomJean's.  Maybe it was Thanksgiving...I don't remember.  Depression-Era-Poppy resurrected Depression-Era-Dad's old grill and she low and slowed us up a giant chicken.  This was the best chicken I ever had!  Fast forward...Brother-Bill brought Depression-Era-Dad's grill out to us.  Internets-Poppy was able to find parts for it too.

Behold the PK Cooker:

 Wait for it...

 Wait for it...

Boom!

See that ass and thigh?  Pure muscle!  I know you're thinking "I wonder what her routine is to get a body like that?"

Be on the look out for the outdoor patio edition of Sunset Magazine.  I think we'll be in the August issue!

Chow!