Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Christmas came early...

Yep, a sock-minkey-n-the-box! Not only is the minkey scary, but even more so when it pops out of a box. It's cruel...but I know it was sent with love!

I wonder what would happen if I said I was scared of diamonds or one hundred dollar bills?


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Don't Mess With Texas...


Shiner Bock...NOM!

Critters...not NOM!


Thursday, November 17, 2011

...And the fun just keeps comin'

This morning I had a 7:00am dentist appointment. I guess I like to get all my body work done in one week. Anyway, this was for an exam and cleaning. Here's the thing, Seester and I were not treated very well by the dentist when we were kids. He liked to hit. I haven't been very regular about going. I'm trying to change this and started back last year.

Meet Dr.-Dreamy-Farmer:

This picture doesn't do him justice. He's got the whitest-straightest teeth I've ever seen; a smokin' body and he raises Guide Dogs for the Blind!

Now for the bad part...I've not had my teeth cleaned in probably 15 years. I hate it. It's about the worst thing I can imagine...worse than minkeys, worse than clowns, even worse than getting a filling; yes, even worse than a root canal! Because of the slight lapse in time since my last cleaning, there's quite a bit of what Dr.-Dreamy-Farmer likes to call "barnacles" on my teeth. What am I, a freakin whale? Don't answer that or Fatass will come after you. That said, for not having my teeth cleaned in so long, they're in very good condition so I should keep doing what I'm doing.

So Dr.-Dreamy-Farmer started in on the cleaning...I was trying to be brave but my teeth are so one point, I think I told him he was torturing me. This was while I was flailing in the chair. He said we should take a break, bless his heart. Then he suggested nitrous and some numbing solution on the gums. I was all over that! Note to chart: Kelly will always need nitrous and numbing solution for cleanings.

I also had the exam and X-rays. That didn't go well either. Dennis-Grace, Dr.-Dreamy-Farmer's assistant tried to knock me out with the X-ray machine.

I have not had a good day.

Oh, I saw this on my way to see Dr.-Dreamy-Farmer:

I wonder if it was a child of a baby-boomer who wrote it? Probably, judging from the little heart at the end.

Last night when I got home, I saw Zack-the-neighbor-boy across the street. I asked him to ask his Dad to give me the number of the Landlady for the raging-party-house. He did and I called her. I told Alicia-The-Landlady about the rager. She couldn't believe it! Those are "nice" boys. I disagreed with her. I said "They're not nice boys. They are self-centered little brats." So she said she would call them right away.

She called me back and said that they were very sorry and that things just got out of hand. Of course, I disagreed and said that the little turds let it get out of hand and did nothing to stop it and were part of the whole thing. I suggested that Alicia-The-Landlady call the Solvent-Young-Men's Solvent-Baby-Boomer-Parents. I also let Alicia-The-Landlady know that whenever there is a party at that house, no matter how late at night (or early in the morning) it is, she would be getting a call from me.

I'm still tired...

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

It's not easy being pink!

So Sometimes-I-Hate-Being-A-Girl-Poppy and I had our lady-bit appointments yesterday. See, we do these appointments on the buddy system, that way we're assured we'll both go. That said, I've made and cancelled these appointments for the last three years. Bad Fatass, bad!

Let the fun begin!

Don't ask me why my toe is red cause I don't know. Both Pelvic-Poppy and Fatass had to fill out a questionnaire before the appointment. It asked silly questions like how much exercise we get and how much do we drink. Fatass just knew this was going to be bad.

Dr. Hall comes in and sits at the computer and starts looking at Fatass' stats.
"Hmmm, how much exercise do you get?" Fatass fibs and says "Oh gosh, about 30 minutes 3 times a week." "Hmmm, you really need to get 150 minutes a week." Near as Fatass can calculate that would be about 10 hours or something. Whatever! It gets worse "Oh my, 14 drinks a you feel like that's a problem? We have resources that can help." Fatass replies taking issue..."But, but, it's only two glasses of wine a night." Another lie! Fatass is getting more depressed as the minutes turn into an eternity.

Now the doc is typing furiously away. She turns the screen so Fatass can see it and shows Fatass this bar graph. The graph has this thick red line that starts at 2006 and goes up and up and up to the present. This evidently represents Fatass' weight gain over those few years. Then she asks Fatass if she wants a printout of her vitals. Fatass says "Oh yes, I'd love it." More lies!

Read it and weep; Fatass did.

It's upside down, so maybe you can't read it. Oh well, it's all lies anyway.

Not like this wasn't bad enough, but now Hooter-Poppy and I have to go to the third floor to get our boobies squished. They take you in groups of three. Fatass feels like she's in a heard of cows headed to become hamburger meat.

You may recall some years back I had reduction surgery. I now affectionately call the girls "Frankenboobs!" Not that I'm special cause I think they do this with everyone, but it's still really weird...

I bet you ladies can figure out where these go...for you boys, these little X-Marks-The-Spot things go on the little headlights so they can tell where they are located on the x-ray.

Fun times! First thing Poppy and Fatass did when we completed our afternoon of torture was to go have a celebratory libation...we deserved it! Oh yeah, this was one of the two drinks we're allowed for the evening. Liar-liar-pants-on-fire!

By the way, in looking for a spot for said drinkiepooh, we went into Clement Street Bar and Grill. There was no room at the bar, so we told the host that we wanted a cocktail so he sat us at a table. Then the server-lady; let's call her, well, annoying, came up before we even sat down and was grilling us on what we wanted. We said we needed a minute. She stood off to the side incessantly clicking her pen. Now, Poppy was already in a not-so-great mood, but this Annoying-Server-Lady was about to send my Poppy over the edge.

Okay, we finally decided on a drink, then Famished-Poppy noticed that there were bowls of chips on the bar. She went to the bar and before she could speak to the bartender, that Annoying-Server-Lady was on her like white-on-rice! "What can I get you?!" Poppy replies "Some chips would be nice." A few minutes later she tosses this little bowl of bottom of the bag crumbled up little tortilla chip pieces. WTF?

Needless to say, we'll never darken their door again.

I'm not sure I've talked about our neighbors across the street. The house is owned by an elderly couple who live up North. They rent the place out. When Poppy and I first moved in to our house last year, the neighbors house was rented out to a group of nurses. Very quiet folks. They moved out shortly after. Alicia, the owner, and her husband came down and worked on the house to get it ready for new tenants. Poppy talked to them. Poppy said they were very nice folks and just wanted some "nice" people to move in. We now understand that "nice" means "solvent".

Well, some Solvent-Young-Men moved in. Turns out, they rented the house to four students. This is their second year of college and first year out of the dorm. It would appear, they still have that living in a dorm attitude. The ragers are frequent, loud and go into the wee hours of the morn.

Our neighbors, Hodge and Kathy (and their two small children), share a wall with these Solvent-Young-Men and have been at their wits end for months. Kathy bought a white noise machine to drowned out the Solvent-Young-Men's music, etc. but she said she can't get the machine loud enough to drown them out.

Hodge has called the landlords and the police several times and I've been part of one complaint that was sent to the District Attorney's office because one of the Solvent-Young-Men threatened Zack, the 14-year old son of Hodge and Kathy. I'm not sure if this is the reason, but Hodge and Kathy have put their house up for sale.

Alicia-The-Landlord came down some weeks back to talk to all the neighbors and then to talk to the Solvent-Young-Men about their parties. She can't believe that the Solvent-Young-Men are having parties. "They're such 'nice' boys. There parents are lawyers." All that tells me is that Mommies and Daddies are the solvent part of the equation. Not ten minutes after Alicia and her husband leave, the little bastards open up all the windows and start blasting the music.

Early this morning at 2:30, Poppy and I jumped out of bed to the sounds of 20 or so Solvent-Young-Men yelling and spilling out of the house evidently having a water fight. There were balloons, water guns, buckets, coolers and a mini-van. They used the mini-van to drive up and down the street with the doors and sunroof open shooting water at each other. This went on for about a half-hour, then someone yelled at them and they disbursed.

This morning I spent a great deal of time cleaning up those Freakin-Self-Centered-Solvent-Young-Men's mess. Beer bottles, plastic bags and balloon detritus. Then, when leaving on my scooter, I notice a knit cap in the street and a playmate cooler that they left by the curb. Figure I'd take them. I get the cooler, drive over to the truck, put my side stand down, go to open the back of the truck to put the cooler in and I guess, my side stand didn't lock and I dropped my Buddy! Crap!! But the good news is only damage was a bent mirror which I fixed. Buddy was surprisingly easy to pick up too!

I'm tired!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Playdate, Schmaydate!

Okay, so the little dogs had fun!

But so did we...FMM-Laurie made a yummy and beautiful dinner of spinach salad, cabbage rolls, roasted Cinderella pumpkin and her famous cheddar-jalapeno-sour-cream biscuits.

INFINITY NOM! How come everyone else's food is so much prettier than mine? I need to do better with my food porn.

Here's the recipe for the biscuits:

Sour Cream and Cheddar Biscuits

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into bits
¼ pound sharp Cheddar cheese, coarsely grated (about 1 ½ cups)
Drained and chopped pickled jalapenos, to taste (I used about 2 tablespoons)
1 cup sour cream

Preheat oven to 425F. Whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a large bowl. Either cut the butter pieces into the flour mixture with a pastry blender or rub them in with your fingertips until well-combined. Stir in the cheddar, jalapenos and sour cream until the mixture forms a sticky dough. Pat it out to a ½-inch thickness on a very well-floured counter and use a 3 ½-inch biscuit cutter to cut six rounds. Bake on an ungreased (or parchment-lined, if your baking sheets are as “weathered” as mine are) for 15 to 17 minutes, until golden on top.


Monday, November 14, 2011

Weekend? What weekend?

Travlin-Poppy and I spent most of the weekend getting ready for our trip to Texas this coming Saturday. Also had Dad this weekend too.

We did go look at a couch at Macy's in San Leandro:

Why would we go all the way to San Leandro to look at a couch? Because that's the only "Lucas" couch in the Bay Area that is on display. We like it and would save about $1,000 given the sale, but Discriminating-Poppy isn't sure she likes the type of leather. It's called Bi-Cast leather. Don't ask me.

P.S. Measure twice, cut once or in this case, make sure it fits before you buy. Lucky for us, Poppy is so spacial!

Here's Data-Gathering-Poppy and Jax doing research on Bi-Cast Leather. Jax likes to help move the mouse around. She's a very smart dog. It may look like she's sleeping, but she's just concentrating!

Speaking of Jax-The-Cheese-Connesewer, she's got a playdate with Winnie tonight. FMM-Laurie is taking care of Winnie.

Wonder if she has super hearing?

Last night, Fresh-of-Breath-Air-Poppy was out on the deck and spotted something above the kitchen window:

That would be raccoon prints. It would appear the little bastard is trying to break in. I wonder if they make a Raccooninator?


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I got a new toy...

I don't know why Poppy is so nervous...

Well, the weather has turned cold and that means it's the Season-of-the-Soup:

Remember all those pork hocks we made? Well, that also made for some pretty tasty stock. So last night, I took that stock and added firm tofu, bamboo shoots, green onions, woodear mushrooms, some other mushroom that I can't remember the name, very thinly sliced pork and Shirataki noodles. To the bottom of the bowl, I added fresh spinach. Put the soup in the bowl added some soy and called it dinner! NOMMY!

Last week, I told FFM-Laurie that I'd be giving Jax-The-Cheese-Connesewer a bath. She loves Jax and said she should have one of those hoodie towels like babies have...

Thanks Auntie Laurie!

Bye bye...

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday...

What a fun and relaxing weekend this has been...okay, I cooked all day yesterday, but well worth the effort. We had friends for dinner and a movie (Carrie/Susan, Kris/Janny). The theme of the evening was chili. We'd originally planned this for Halloween weekend, but that didn't workout. The movie we watched was Young Frankenstein.

The highlight of the evening was Susan's contribution:

Who do you know has a brain jell-o mold laying around? Freakin hilarious. It's peach Jell-o and condensed milk. Strangely good. I guess she also has an anatomically correct heart jell-o mold too.

Let's start with the appetizers. Guac-This-Way-Poppy made her famous Guacamole and even more famous To-Kill-Kelly-Margaritas. We had tamale bites with chili sour cream.

Here's Hooters-Poppy sampling her marg:

Chili sour cream prep:

I made Kecky's Rootin Tootin Award Winning Chili, cheddar-chili cornbread muffins and Porcine-Poppy's bacon dipped in chili chocolate. Susan also made "death by chocolate" cookies.

It takes a lot of onions to make chili. These are my onion goggles. Yep, they really work!

Here's the bacon prep:

Finished product:

Here's Fatass probably talking about food...

So what to do with all that leftover chili...Make chili eggs!

Time to go outside and play!

Happy Sunday!

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Cousins Rob/Jenny brought us some Meyers sausage from Elgin, TX. They were NOM!!

Pan-Fry-Poppy cooked them up. I sauteed a little bacon in a pot, then added chicken broth, greens and some mustard. I also sauteed red-n-green bell pepper with some onion, salt, pepper and at the end poured in a little Fino Sherry.

Again, NOM!

I think you all know my disdain for the Minkey. I don't know why; I'll never know why; I just don't like them! It's not like a clown thing where I'm afraid of them, I just think they're gross. I mean, they throw their pooh and stuff.

It would seem everywhere I go, there's some sort of Minkey. Today was no different. I was walking back to the office after doing the mail (ARGH!) and I see a little tan heap of something laying on the I get closer I'm starting to figure out what I'm seeing...

I'm pretty sure the Minkey is stalking me!


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Nephew-Lucas is interviewed by SKYD Mag!

Although the Polar Bears missed going to Japan by a point or two, Nephew was interviewed after one of this games:

He's so handsome! I'm pretty sure this is the most I've ever heard him speak. Who knew?