Friday, May 30, 2014

I wanna write a book!

I've wanted to write a book for years. I think that's partly why I started this blog.  It's kind of like writing a book, only different.  Whenever I think about what I want to write about, it's like I have a visual of this black void in my brain.  This has not been conducive to my starting a book.  So, I figure there are a few questions I must ask myself about writing my book.

Q. Why do I want to write a book?
A. I dunno.  It's not about making money or being published. I don't even think I've got a burning desire to be heard.

Q. What do I want to write about?
A.  I dunno.  Recall the black void I see in my head.

I was talking to Problem-Solving-Poppy about this and she suggested I talk to MomJean.  MomJean is published and was an editor by trade.  So, while I'm here watching MomJean's broken leg heal, what a perfect time to pick her brain.

So, I tell her I want to write a book and that Offspring-Poppy suggested I talk to her about it.  MomJean asks "Oh, well, what do you want to write about?"


Think I'll stick to blogging until the black void starts to fill up.

Um, Broke-Back-Becky has been having a crappy run of luck lately...well for a few years now.  I'm convinced there is some bad energy coming from something or somewhere and is causing all this turmoil.  I think that bad ju-ju-energy is coming from Poppy's Stella-Hella-Piece-O-Junk. While BB-Becky was out of town last week...watching MomJean's broken leg heal, I decided I would rid SHPOJ of her bad ju-ju-energy.  See?

Yeah, Stella got a smudging with sage.  I lit it all up and walked around Stella like 3 times saying "THE  POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!  THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"  Yeah, and then Stella's handlebars spun around and projectile vomited split pea soup all over me.  Not really, but I did start thinking that since Stella-Hella-Piece-O-Junk regularly smells like leaking gas that I might possibly explode, so I took my smudge-bucket to the backyard.

It remains to be seen if this worked.  BB-Becky is still walking around so I say we're off to a good start.


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Someone is feeling very depressed...

Poor girl misses her Udder-Mudder.  Really, she never lays on that ottoman.  She only uses it to look out the window.  She's starting to get sad little bags under her eyes too.

The other day I saw this recipe for an Asian-Quinoa salad.  Looked really good too...only Quinoa and soy beans ain't on the diet...but cashews are!  Besides, the recipe was really about the dressing and not the salad...I can't wait for leftovers tonight!

Jealous-Poppy has read my blog and I sent her this picture last night and she replied "Why are you making all this good stuff when I'm not there??" Poor-Poppy...but c'mon, it's not like she's suffering with Aunt K's cooking!  I pale in comparison to both Aunt K and Aunt L's cooking skills.  They both have that talent of taking a bunch of stuff out of the fridge and producing a restaurant-worthy meal.

I haven't decided what I'll be cooking next.  I've been craving shrimp though.  Maybe some Old Bay and peel-n-eat shrimp!

The possibilities are endless.


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

You know you're getting old when...

You apply for Long Term Care Insurance.  Actually, you know you're old when you have to start thinking about this stuff.  

That's right folks, I'm one step closer to wearing my seafoam green velour jogging suit, riding my Hoveround while shouting obscenities and trying to mow down small children. YES!

I guess the good news is, I'm healthy enough to have made it through the underwriting process without any exclusions.  What does all this mean?  It means that I-Don't-Like-Pooh-Pooh-Poppy won't have to change my dirty XXL big-girl diapers.

All this peace of mind for the low, low price of $100 per month.  What are the odds I make it through old age with no problems whatsoever, drop dead and never use the benefit?  I'll be pissed!  Can you imagine...say I stay healthy until like I'm 90.  I'm 52 now.  So, 90 - 52 = (wait, let me get my calculator...) 38 years, I think.  Multiply that by $1,200 per year and that's a lot like (wait, let me get my calculator...) 45,000ish dollars.  Hmmm, I thought it would be more.  Now it doesn't seem so bad.  Although, with that kind of cash, I could buy a butt-load of shoes AND a different shade of Jordan Almond jogging suit for every day of the week!!!

Okay, I only see 6 colors of the Jordan Almond...guess I'll be doubling up on one...hope my XXL big-girl diapers don't leak cause then I'll smell like old lady peepee.  Don't-Make-Me-Smell-Old-Lady-PeePee-Poppy would not take kindly to that!

Like sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives! 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Went to see the BFF...

Over the weekend. We ate a lot.

Let's see...oh, we were going to go kayaking on the Merican River, but the Hornets were having a crew event so we went hiking instead.

Then we ate. We had Pho.  I had the rare steak and tendon pho.  NOM!  I've been so curious about the tendon part so I finally had a chance to try it.  I will definitely have that again!

Then we walked around the outdoor mall.

Check out all the junk in my signature color!

There was Mall Art.

I embraced my inner thug.

Then we ate more:

That's a venison double-decker taco supreme!  We also made wild boar tacos.

Then it was time to go home.  Look what happened on the way home...

Yep, our 7-year old truck turned over 40,000!

Then there was more eating...

Poppy fetched us a happy cow flank steak from the deep freeze.  I marinated it in balsamic, olive oil, garlic, Italian seasoning, whole grain mustard, salt and pepper.  FFM-Laurie gave me a basil plant for my birthday, so I made a caprese salad to go with.  NOM!!!

Chow, man!