Monday, April 29, 2013

Party is over...

Until next year anyway.  That was one fun week too...and my tummy still hurts from all the crap I ate!

So my birthday proper started off with Sleeping-Beauty-Poppy making me coffee in bed.  It's so entertaining to watch her try to function when she's not awake yet.  Jax joined me while waiting for my coffee...

Check this out...

Is that not the funniest card ever?

Then it was time to relax some more...

Then it was time to contemplate prepping the dinnah...

This was very exciting...see that on the right side of the pig...boobies!

I had a lot of fun cooking the piggy...

 But to be honest, I wasn't all that impressed with it.  My KMCFD was the bomb!

Okay then, back to my regular life...


Friday, April 26, 2013

Birthday Eve...and I've been busy celebrating...

Wednesday night, Seester (aka Skylark), FMM-Laurie and I went to A Grape in The Fog in Pacifica.  It's the cutest little wine bar!  Lots of wine to choose from and tasty treat sensations.

Why is it when I drink red wine, I stains my tongue and teeth so bad...say, I should look this up on my Internets!

We had way too much fun!  Poor Bro-n-Law had to pick us up around 10:00pm.  What's worse than having 3 slightly inebriated and a really loud women in your car when all you want to do is go to bed?  Having 4 slightly inebriated and really loud women in your car, that's what! He should consider himself lucky.

You know what, I don't really care why my tongue and teeth turn purple.  Nothing I'm going to do about it anyway!

So, Jax and I stayed the night at Seester's house and then we took a drive down to Half Moon Bay for lunch, but alas, we were too early for lunch so we walked around and then went back to Pacifica.  But, I was able to see and drive through the new tunnel!

Pretty cool and many, many years in the making.

Jax stayed home with Dexter-McLovin:

After that, I hung out at Seester's and watched Bro-n-Law and Bro-FF-Doug start the process of adding onto the existing fence.  Seester and Bro-n-law have been working hard!

See that ugly blue van?  Yeah, that's the seriously crazy and irate neighbor's should see the rest of his house and yard...That's one of the reasons Cod invented fences!

What else...oh, well, Picture-Show-Poppy and I have been watching this series, House of Cards.  It's produced by Netflix.  If you haven't seen it, run...don't walk to find it.  One of the best shows I've ever seen! Stars Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright.  Turns out, I like the way Robin has her hair highlighted.  You know, why pay a professional to do something when you can do it yourself?

Oh c'mon, it's not that bad!  It's a little chunky, but I likes it.  Doesn't look a bit like Robin's hair, but neither do I, unfortunately.  Not to worry...I won't shave my head.

Let's talk about the foods!  You know how much I've been enjoying La Lengua, si? Well, I found this book called "Odd Bits" by Jennifer McLagan.

Great book!  Not only that, but while shopping at Lucky today look what I found:

Oh, hello lov-a!  Yeah, that's lamb tongue and lamb heart.  I can't wait to see what I get to create with that.  I also got a big package of pork necks for $4.00!

I can't tell you how excited I am!!

Offal isn't Awful!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It's all about the pig...and my B-Day!

Lookie what I got from Aunt-n-Uncle-Double-K:

Meet Chef Bob.  He's Fwench so you have to say it with a Fwench accent...Chef Boob.

Nice hams!

He loves watching the Food Channel too.  But since he's Fwench he really only likes to watch Jacques Pepin and reruns of Julia Child...even if she iz a stoopid amewican!

Fwench Chef Boob's favorite foods are Fwench Cheese, Cwoysants and Fweedom Fwies.  Fwench Chef Boob will only dwink Fwench wine...he spits on zee Cowaforwnia wine.  Fwench Chef Boob's favorite book is Larousse Gastronomique and he drives a Bugatti.  Fwench Chef Boob only dates Fwench models with pink skin.  Fwench Chef Boob IS The Most Interesting Chef Pig In The World!


Hey, ever wonder why a Cow-Worker only eats noisy food?  Is it noisy food or is it the Cow-Worker just making it noisy on purpose...just to piss everyone off?  Who knew a banana was so know that noise I'm talking about too.  You've made it once or twice by's that noise that a baby makes when it's smacking on baby food...

Or BBQ sauce...
 Or body parts...
Anyway, you know what I'm sayin...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

51 years ago...

this week, my Mom must have been feeling pretty uncomfortable getting ready to pop Lil' Fattass out.  So here we birthday week.  As we know, I'm not big on the birthday stuff, but I do like to buy myself something nice.

Oh be still my stainless-shining-steel-heart!

Yep, that's All-Clad Stainless Steel.  Now, I didn't really get this for my birthday cause I can't stinkin afford it.  I procured it through other means...and no, I didn't prostitute myself, although, I might have.  I've never had such nice cookware before.  I'm almost afraid to use it...

When Tarn-X-Poppy came home last night, she got to view my new cookware.  Shortly after that I noticed a big greezy finger print on the lid!  GOD-DUH!!! 

So, here's the rundown for my birthday week...

Tonight, Pizza-Place-Poppy and I are heading to one of our local hangouts for our favorite salad with homemade blue cheese dressing and Zoe's warm bacon.  We'll have that with either the Buffalo wings or maybe the sweet potato fries.  Tomorrow, I'll be heading to Seester's after work cause she's taking me to Grape-in-the-Fog to do some wine tasting and to partake of the charcuterie.  I took Thursday off figuring since I was staying the night at Seesters, we could take Dad down to Half Moon Bay Brewery for lunch.

Let's see...Thursday, I'm going to break in the new cookware.  Not sure what I'll make, but it will be fabulous!  Friday night we have nothing firm on the calendar but I'll come up with something.

As you know, every year for my birthday dinner I have Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Family Style Deluxe with petite peas.  Well, this year I think I'll change it up.

Before Protein-Poppy and I went on our low-carb eating lifestyle, one of my favorite things to make was Congee (aka Jook or Rice Porridge).  I decided that I'd like that instead, only Porridge-Poppy is taking me out somewhere to git it!  I may still have my KMCFD, but that'll be on Sunday, the last day of my birthday week!

Okay, let's move know how co-workers will leave food stuffs for public consumption in the kitchen at work?  Well, wouldn't you know, as I was walking into the kitchen for some tea, who do I spy ramming what I believe to be his used fork into a piece of pastrie?

Yep, you guessed it...Mr. Invasive (aka Mr. Hygienically-Incorrect).  He's famous or taking only little pieces or bites of public stuff after he's fingered all of it.  See where he's gouged out a piece of the brownie thing?  Here's what makes me think he used his dirty fork:

This one also has a gouge in it and you know he didn't go wash his fork after he did it.  Yeah, this is the same guy that puts his dirty-nose-picking-fingers into the ice tray of our public freezer and grabs  few handfuls of ice for his liquid broccoli/skip jack.  GOD-DUH!

I'm gonna hurl...again.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Happy Freakin Monday!

Well, the Kecky's had a very busy weekend!  It started with Fatass going to her WW meeting...When you lose weight or say something halfway intelligent sounding, the leader gives you a star sticker.  Wouldn't it be more motivating to give chocolate...or money?  Oh, week two, Fatass gained a pound and a half...week three, she lost three and a half pounds.  Whatever.  She's also started riding her bike to work.  That ride to work is worth an extra 20 points!

Later in the day it was time to go see Nephew-Lucas' inaugural Major League Ultimate game.  Man, was that exciting...and YOUR SAN FRANCISCO DOGFISH won!

He's got some moves!

I think he wears the black tights cause his white legs would blind everyone...

Here's Dougie-the-Dogfish:


Alright, so Sunday was garbage disposal installation day.  I was kinda getting nervous about the whole thing too, but I figured if I ran into trouble, I could call a plumber.

Look, it's a simple 26-step process!

What I don't get is it doesn't come with it's own power cord.  You either have to re-wire the cord from the old disposal or buy a separate power cord kit.  Have I mentioned that electronicals make me nervous?

After taking the old disposal out, I then wired my new Evolution with the old power cord.  I plugged it in before I installed it to make sure it worked.  Nothing blew up and it sound like it worked...let's continue with the installation.

After much groaning, a few bruises and some cuts...

Meet The Evolution:

She's so pretty!

Cat got your...

Yep, time for Kecky's Almost Famous Tacos de Lengua!  This time, I made my own tortillas too...

So freakin NOM!!!


Friday, April 19, 2013

Guess what time it is?

Time for Mr. Invasive's mid-morning snack of carrots...

There he sits with his headphones on while open-mouthed munching away on a fat carrot.  Interspersed with that is his nose blowing.  It's a snotty nose blowing too, so you know it's getting caught in his beard, along with all the other food stuffs and little animals he's got living in it.  GOD-DUH!!

One of my peeps even left early yesterday cause they couldn't take it anymore.

We've come to the conclusion that since BK is out of the office, he's just being as obnoxious as possible.

Wonder what's on le menu for lunch?

Will this day ever end...

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


I'm a little fired up this morning...I've mentioned in the past that one of my co-workers has some annoying, invasive and passive-aggressive behaviour.  Well, today my co-worker...let's call him
Pepe Le Pew, reached a new level of vulgar grossness.  Here's what happened...
I got to my office, put all my stuff down and sat at my desk.  The next thing I hear is the loudest fart ever!  Even louder than Jumbo-The-Elephant's fart at Marine World when I was a kid...I mean, it wasn't even like he had to lift his ass-cheek to get it out cause he's got one of those Areon chairs so it's got netting instead of a solid seat.  Seriously, I had to go look (with my nose plugged) to see if there was anything dripping from the chair onto the floor.  In any event, I'm certain he burned a hole right through his pants.
I'm telling my other normal well-adjusted co-workers about this and the reaction is "You can hear that all the way in here?"  HELL YES!  You should also know that Stinky is a vegetarian.  He eats mass quantities of gas producing foods.  One of his favorite meals he eats from his noisy food bowl (that we all affectionately call The Trough) is broccoli with Trader Joe's Skip Jack tuna.  Skip Jack tuna is the cheapest brand of tuna you can buy at TJ's...If you go to Trader Joe's, I'm pretty sure you can find it in the cat food isle cause that's exactly what it smells like and that in turn is what's coming out is bung-hole! GOD-DUH!!
So, I started to wonder about the anatomy of a fart....yep, let's consult our Internets!!  The video quality sucks, but you get the drift.  If I had to rate Vapor-Man's Boofa (that's what we called it growing up) it was definitely the Rumble in the Bronx! 

Here are some other fun-facts:

Chemical Makeup of the Average Fart:
59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane and 4% oxygen — all essentially odorless. (Less than 1% is what makes farts stink.)

The stench comes. from minuscule amounts of ammonia, hydrogen sulfide and excrement, which can be smelled at 1 part per 100 million parts air.

The gas that gives farts that special stench is hydrogen sulfide.

The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more your farts will stink.

Foods that cause your flatulence to reek include beans, cabbage, cheese, eggs and soda.

Beans, cabbage, mushrooms and onions cause a lot of gas because they contain complex
sugars that your body can’t digest.

Throwin’ heat: farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.

Fill ’er up: 1 quart (or 600 ml) —the average amount of gas a guy with a relatively healthy diet lets out every day.

14 is the average number of times each person rips one daily.

Women fart as much as men — they’re just not quite as proud of them.

At the time of creation, the temperature of a fart is 98.6

There are hundreds of slang terms for flatulence. Here are 10 of our favorites: ass biscuit, barking spider, bean blower, cheek flapper, crack splitter, death breeze, fog slicer, mud duck, spit a brick and strangling the stank monkey.

3 Things That Crank Up the Decibels of an Ass Blast: 1) the amount of gas, 2) the force with which it’s expelled, and 3) the tightness of the sphincter muscles.
Who knew?

Alright, it's not just the farting either it's Bean-Blower's whole existence.  Here's how the routine goes: Stank-Minkey gets to work and makes some sort of beverage.  I'd like to say it's coffee, but it's probably liquefied broccoli and Skip Jack.  While having that he usually has a big Trough of salad or some other veg.  About a half-hour after that, he has a smaller Trough of oatmeal...Hmmm, broccoli, Skip Jack and oatmeal...there's a recipe for a disasster-blasster.  Then it's time for a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint gum.  More chewing with his mouth open...that gross spearmint smell comes out of his mouth and permeates every part of our work area. Just writing this makes me want to hurl. It's not just the chewing with his mouth's also the smacking.
Hey, it's lunch time...Today we're in luck, it's Swiss chard with the Skip Jack.  After lunch, it'll be more carrots and apples, followed by some high-fiber dry cereal from the very noisy plastic bag that he sticks his fat hand in pulling out handfuls that he tries to get to his mouth, but misses.  I don't even want to know what he eats for dinner.  I can't even imagine what his house must smell like...and he's married and has procreated.  How does that happen?
Here's The Trough:
See that red oatmeal container at the end? It's not really oatmeal.  He's so stealthy and sneaking that when he's done with the container, he hides other food stuffs in it so folks don't steal it.  There's one in the fridge that has his Dijon mustard.  Thing is, everyone is so grossed out by the guy,  who the hell would want to steal his food?  I can't even stand to inhale around him.
Here's the best part of the whole deal...he finds everyone around him to be incredibly loud and disruptive.
Okay, what else is going on...Hmmm, not much.
I made a whole bunch of Happy Cow beef stock over the weekend: 
Oh, and looooooook....

These are my new Veronica Combat pretty and soooo comfy!

Oh yeah, Saturday night our garbage disposal started leaking like a sieve.  After some research....mmmm hmmm, on my Internets, it would seem it's the flywheel thingy and so it's time to lay the Insinkerator Pro 300 to rest.  Our fridge had been making this horrible noise the last few weeks.  When I got up on Sunday, I notice the noise stopped.  Could it be that it fixed itself...oh hell no.  I opened the doors to find it very warm and an error message that said "FF".  So, everything out of the fridge and the freezer.  Thanks the Cods above we have that other deep freeze.  After 4 hours of defrosting, our fridge is back to its old self.

The new disposal should be here sometime today.  I really wanted to get the "Badger" cause I really like the name, but the reviews were better for the "Evolution".  I figure I'm going to install it myself.  If my butchy side can't complete the job, I'll call a plumber, but I have every confidence that I CAN DO IT!

Remember I told you Nephew-Lucas is now a professional Ultimate Frisbee player?  Well his first game is on Saturday.  We're all very excited and ever so proud.  Check him out: He's number 35! Lucas Kenneth Dallmann, Lucas Kenneth Dallmann...

Okay, time for me to go eat my silent lunch.


Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Happy feakin birthday to me!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Fatass' First WW Meeting...

So here's the routine...Seester, Bro-N-Law and FFM-Laurie go to Bay Coffee in Pacific Manor at 7:10 and get Joe's special coffee.  Seriously, I don't know where Joe gets his beans, but truly the best latte I've ever had.

Anyway, in order to meet these freakish early risers, I ended up getting out of bed shortly before 6:00am...on a Saturday.  It's just wrong!  But I did it.  After we got our coffee we headed to Linda Mar Beach for the hour walk.  The tide was low, so much scavenging to be done.  Keep in mind, if you are ever on the beach and spy a golf ball, pick it up.  They get stuck in the whale's blowhole and they die.  Who knew?

Here's Fatass with a bag of golf balls.  We saved three whales!  Check out that starfish!

When I saw this pic, I said to Poppy that I never feel that fat when I look down at myself, but when I see a pic like's scary.

Okay, so off to the WW meeting.  The leader's name is Dee and as you would expect she's about as sickeningly chipper as you can get.  So, I start with getting weighed in by the receptionist, Remy.  Remy tries to hand me all the books and junk, but I tell her I don't want them cause I'm all wired up on the Internets.  I should probably mention that I'm doing this in Pacifica and some of those folks just don't get all that new technology junk.  Also, I didn't want to take off my sweatshirt or shoes to get weighed either.  Evidently, that's not normal...guess every pound counts.  I'm pretty sure most folks try to take a dump before they get weighed in.  Must be why they have two bathrooms for such a small place. 

After I get weighed in we all go sit down.  Chipper-Dee goes to the front of the room and starts like dancing or something.  I look over at Seester and FFM-Laurie and they are standing and doing the 7th-grade shuffle.  Now my eyeballs are wide and I'm looking at Seester.  She says "Stand up."  I don't wanna stand up, but I guess I have too.  I look at Seester again and she's motioning at me to start moving.  I say "Why?"  She says "Stop asking why and do it."  What kind of weird cultish thing is this??

The dancing stops and we're allowed to sit back down.  Chipper-D starts talking wanting to know how every one's week went and how people were going to negotiate through Easter dinner and did everyone have "safe" places for all the treat foods that they don't want to eat cause they're too many points.  Seriously?  Then I look over at Seester and FFM-Laurie and they're both nodding their heads and I can swear I hear them "Mmmm hmmm, amen to that sista!"  It was as if I was sitting at church on Gospel Sunday.

I and a few other newbie-fatties had to stay after class so she could give us she schpiel.  Then we had to take a test.  Not really a test, but I think the question was something like "What are your challenges?"  and you had to write down your answers.  Well that threw me...I didn't know there would be a quiz!  My mind goes blank.  I can't think of any challenges.  Now she's asking each of us the question.  Chipper-D gets to me and I say "Um, I like to eat."  Chipper-D says "What do you think makes you overeat?" Huh?  Aw, I'm thinking I'm going to have to admit my deepest addiction demons to the group.  WTF?  As if I'm back in high school, I went for the easiest answer..."Uh, I dunno."  Move the-F on Chipper-D!

Guess we'll see how next Saturday goes.

After the meeting was over, I needed to go grocery shopping. Figured I'd do it in Pacifica since Safeway is right there.  FFM-Laurie had mentioned I might see the "Hair-Lady".  She described what the Hair-Lady looked like.  I think I found her...

She's even more frightening from the front.

Here's my 3 point lunch!

That's sauteed peppers, mushrooms and onions from the night before with some green beans and cottage cheese.  Seriously, the only thing I would do different if I wasn't counting points is put an egg on top!  NOM!