Monday, December 17, 2012

Typhoid Fatass; Day Four...

What an adventure these past four days have been...okay, not really.  It can get really boring when you're sick.  Here's my photo collage taken from my sick-couch:

I call this collage "Why is this cat so close to me and is she going to scratch my eyeballs out?"

Why is she still staring at me?

If I shut my eyes, maybe she'll go away...

Make her go away!!

HA! You stupid dog, I am CAT...resistance is futile...

Futile, I say!

Now, look deep into my eyes...

You are mine and I rule your pathetic little dog life...MMMMWWWWAAAAAAAA!

Let's talk about Sunday night.  Project-Poppy had been working diligently on her holiday project most of the day.  She'd mentioned that our little mouse friends had become very brazen and were drinking out of the cat's water bowl right in front of Poppy's eyes.  Time to refresh the "Sleep-Easy" mouse traps.

A few hours later, around 9:30, we went downstairs to see if we had any "sleeping" mice; we didn't but what we did have was a seriously clogged sewer drain.  Ah, the joys of homo-ownership.

I kind of remember watching my Dad unclog our sewer drain once when I was little, but when he started yelling cause he was finding things you're not supposed to flush down the toilet, I ran away. Fortunately, we have his very old drain snake.  Look, it's so old' I think it's made out of depression glass.

Anyway, just to make sure I did it right, I consulted with my Internets.  Boy, we've come along way in unclogging sewer drains.  Now all you need is a little attachment that goes on the power-washer we don't own and within seconds, no more clog.  But I digress, let's go back to the 50's where I left off...

So this snake thing has instructions on it, but the writing is so small, neither one of us can read it.  There are pictures on it, but they don't make any sense at all...even Depression-Era-Poppy can't make heads or tails of them.

Oh, did I mention that Pooh-Pooh-Poppy doesn't like anything to do with clogged drains or anything involving poop?  Yeah, I'm thinking she's not going to be
changing my diaper when I'm old and feeble, but that's where Sydney and Annie come in...

Okay, so after about an hour of trying to feed that stupid snake-thing down the drain with no luck, I gave up and we both agreed we should call a plumber.  Dejected, I went back upstairs.

This just bugged me, though, so I continued searching my Internets.  I just don't get it, this unclogging thing shouldn't be that difficult.  I'm a Lesbian, for Cod's sakes; this junk should come natural to me.  So I say to Poppy who is now researching plumbers on her Internets, "This just shouldn't be so hard.  I'm going to give it another shot."  By midnight, I'd pulled out some really gross stuff, had Potty-Chair-Poppy flush the toilet and BAM...clog be gone! YES!

After I conquered the drain, it was time to go to bed.  So I'm just about ready to jump into bed when I see a big wet spot on the bed, up by my pillow.  WTF??

Oh, we've been down this road before.  As you know, our little Pee-Pants-Jax is a rescue dog and we know that most rescue dogs come with some issues.  One of Jax's issues is she hates to go outside and pee in the rain.  Because I was sick and not paying attention to her ques, she pee'd on the bed...on my side, no less!  What's up with that...I'm the Alpha, she's supposed to do that stuff to Omega-Poppy, not me!

Look how ashamed she looks...

Back to the Internets we go...A little baking soda, a little vinegar and all is good.  Except that every piece of bedding needs to be washed and I'm still not feeling well and don't want to go to the laundromat to use the large capacity machines.  I've spent all day washing the bedding...

Being sick bites!

Lucky for me, I'm going back to work tomorrow!!


Friday, December 14, 2012

Let's talk about company holiday parties...

Don't you just love them?

This party was a little different.  Why you ask?...

Yep, that's me, Santa.  FFM-Laurie put me up to this.  She called to ask me to be Santa.  She started the conversation with "I know you don't like people, but..."

It was a Hawaiian themed party so I'm wearing board shorts but somehow I look like Dirty-Old-Santa...Hey little girl, want a candy cane?

Fatass can tell what Fatass will look like if she keeps eating...

Here are some other folks that I have talked about to from time to time...

Santa and NayNay-Mae:

Santa and BK:

Santa and FFM-Laurie:

Santa and Lil-Johnny-The-Vegetarian:

Santa and her Seester:
And, of course, Santa's favorite elf, Poppy!


This was the best holiday party yet!

I learned some things about being dressed up as Ole Dirty Saint Nick.  Folks either really like Santa or they think the whole concept is just strange.  Personally, I find folks dressed up as fantasy characters pretty weird. 

But here's the thing, some folks brought their kids to the party.  Given I can't stand kids, I wasn't expecting this so when one of the little ankle-biters ran up an hugged my knees, it took me a little off my game.  Not sure what I was supposed to do so I petted it like I would Jax.  It seemed to work.  Then a couple more ankle-biters had to sit on my lap.  Still not getting it, and fortunately for me, Seester was there save me..."Why don't you tell Santa your name and what you want for Christmas."  I guess petting them only goes so far.  One big dreamer wanted a tree and the other a glow-in-the-dark NERF gun.

As for the adults, the most requested gifts were either a house or to pay off their mortgages.

I believe I made promises I can't keep...but, it's a cruel world!


Monday, December 10, 2012

Baby, it's cold outside...

Let's make a pot roast! Not just any pot roast either, a happy cow pot roast!  My food porn shots started out good, but then I forgot to take pics of the finished product.  Sure was NOM!

Since we don't do the white food, I added a bunch of veggies to make up for the potatoes.

It turned out well, but the veggies were kind of all gooshy.  I'll blame Less-Than-Punctual-Poppy for that, even if it isn't her fault...

Since we're talking about food and Poppy, take a look:

Makes your mouth water and not in a good way, huh?  I'm just not sure I want to eat this.  Pescado-Poppy just about drooled when she saw this in the store.  Another thing, the store she found this in was Pacifica Safeway.  I was kind of surprised by that.  They had lots of different stuff that our San Francisco Safeway doesn't carry.  Now that I'm thinking about it, my all-time favorite market is in Eureka Square...and that's in Pacifica too!

Since Adventure-Poppy and I will be heading back East next week for the holidays, we decided to open our Christmas gifts now.  One of Worm-Hole-Poppy's gifts is a brand new military-grade laser pointer:

Yeah, it's the kind that you can take out a jet if you point it right.

Remember how I said my Frye Dakota Mid-Lace boots would be the last pair of shoes I ever buy?  Surely, you didn't believe that.  I've been wanting a real pair of slippers.  I've not had a real pair of slippers since I was a kid.  They were these gross faux fur things.  Looked like a Troll doll on your feet.

  We called them "fuzzy slippers".  Anyway, take a look at my all-grown-up-slippers:

They're UGGs!  You'll have to excuse my hairy legs and white-trash toenail polish...but that's the nail polish that won the World Series!

So I'm laying on the couch last night minding my own business and the next thing I know, I've got a Roger on my back!

She can be very sweet...until her paw went for my ear...and then my eye, but really, she's very sweet!

Happy Monday!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

You can build a better mousetrap!

Before I go on about sleeping mice, I do want to say that I have been cooking.  Nothing too exciting though.  Last night, I was supposed to go out for dinner, but ended up working late.  I'd left Fend-For-Herself-Poppy with two T-Bone steak bones to gnaw on with some root veggies.  It occurred to me that I would have nothing for dinner, so when I got home I pulled out some center cut pork chops from our frozen happy pig and thawed them out.  The only go with I had was romaine lettuce and baby arugula.  I added some olives and Cheddar cheese to the salad.  Our cupboards are pretty much bare now...

Those pork chops are the best ting ever!

Okay, so we continue to have a wee little mouse problem in our garage.  I am convinced that they are making their home in the bottom area of our washing machine.  Some months ago, we hired an exterminator.  That worked for a while, but it was basically sealing visible holes and setting regular old mousetraps.  It became clear we needed something more effective.

Great-White-Mouse-Hunter-Poppy found these on the Internets:
The big deal with these is that you don't have to touch the part that gently makes the mouse go for the big sleep.  You could almost set these with one hand...and they don't snap and scare the crap out of you when you're trying to put them on the ground.  After they fall asleep, you just bend that top piece and mousy goes for a little ride into the composting bin. 
Since Tuesday night, five of those little bastards have gone to sleepy land.  This morning before I left for work, I checked the traps and there were two mice dead asleep...I was so excited, I ran upstairs and woke up the Great-White-Mouse-Hunter to tell her.  Funny, she wasn't excited as I was.  I'm wondering if we're getting that many because they've not seen this kind of trap before?  We'll see.
Great-White-Hunter...I assumed this was some big white guy that hunted so I decided I should find out...hmmm, where can I look?  THE INTERNETS!
White hunter is a term used for professional big game hunters of European or North American backgrounds who plied their trade in Africa, especially during the first half of the 20th century. The activity continues in the dozen African countries which still permit big-game hunting, but the "white hunter" is now known as the "professional hunter." White hunters derived their income from organizing and leading safaris for paying clients, or from the sale of ivory.
Figure it was the white guys that came up with this...

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Pigeon Spikes...

So after writing yesterday about Roger-The-Heat-Seeking-Cat and how Poppy made a nice cushy bed for Roger on her computer, I get home last night and what do I see?

An addition to the Roger-The-Heat-Seeking-Cat deterrent:

Two pillows are always better than one...and way more comfortable.  Where's her blanky and hot cup of milk??

This got me know those things on the entryways of buildings to keep the birds from pooping on you?

Again, I consulted my Internets...they are called pigeon spikes.  What a great idea and deterrent for our little cat.  Seriously, it would be a very quick learning process too!

Within a few minutes, I came up with my DIY solution:

I know, for you cat lovers, you think I'm being cruel (Renee and Laurie), but I put the nails in with the flat heads sticking up so it's not like she'll impale herself...unless she's really stupid; if that's the case, then it's her time to go.

Oh, c'mon...I'm just joking...sort of.


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Toot Sweet...

I'll have Word Origins for $100, Alex...

I needed to turn a Purchase Request around really fast today.  When I sent it to the approver, I asked her to approve it "fast as a bunny."  When I forwarded the email to BK, I didn't want to use the same phrase so I told her that I'd asked the approver to get it done "toot sweet".  That got me thinking...what is the origin of toot sweet?  Mmmm, hmmm...let's consult the Internets!

Toot Sweets" is a song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the 1968 musical motion picture. In the film it is sung by Dick Van Dyke and Sally Ann Howes. "Toot Sweets" is also featured prominently in the multi-award winning stage musical of the same name which premiered in London at the Palladium in 2002 and on Broadway in 2005 at the newly refurbished Foxwoods Theatre (then the Hilton Theatre). The song was written by Robert B. Sherman and Richard M. Sherman (also known as the Sherman Brothers).
The song title is a play on words, a humorous Anglicisation of the French expression "tout de suite", meaning "at once". In the context of the film and stage musical, "Toot Sweets" is about a candy cane that has holes in it, making the candy playable as an edible tin-whistle. Unfortunately for protagonist Caractacus Potts, the "Toot Sweets" act like dog whistles, calling all the local canines into the candy factory (not unlike the Pied Piper of Hamelin), ruining the sanitary conditions of the factory and turning love interest Truly's father against him
So this explains why I did not know the origin...I freakin hate musicals!!  Seester got the musical/theatre gene not me.  Give me a freakin action movie and I'm good.
Now, I know it seems like I hate a lot of stuff, but I think I like more stuff than I hate...
I like:
Um...well...hmmm...I know there's something...I'll need to get back to you.
Besides minkeys, hobbits and musicals, I don't like:
the general public;
escargot (tried it Friday night; looked like mini-penises on a plate);
people who interrupt without saying "excuse me", "pardon" or "con permiso";
the sun;
bending over;
a leaky spout on a teakettle;
mouse poop;
eating dirt;
the saying "That's what I'm talkin about!";
having my boobs squished;
going to work;
those black birds; what are they? Ravens or Crows.  Flying rats, that's what they are;
emptying the dishwasher;
Roger when she's sitting two inches from my face and sneezes;
not having cream for my coffee;
people who ask stupid questions.
I'm sure there are many, many other things, but I'm getting bored with this...
On Sunday, me, Picture-Show-Poppy and some friends of ours went to brunch and then to see Skyfall.  Let's talk about brunch...We went to 1300 Fillmore.  I forgot the address so don't ask me.  As it happens, on Sundays they have two seatings, one at 11:00 and one at 1:00.  It's a southern restaurant and those two seatings are referred to as Gospel Brunch.  Why?  Because they have a band that plays Gospel music.  They also charge you each an additional $6 for said Gospel music.
Since we'd had a pretty good storm the night before, upon arriving to the restaurant, we found out that the floor above had some flooding issues and the power was off.  The restaurant was running on a generator.  The band started and near as I can figure, it wasn't the kind of Gospel music I was expecting.  I was expecting some wholly-roller stuff and maybe a little speaking in tongues.  I recognized one tune to be a religious song.  I know this cause I heard "Round young virgin tender and mild."  Why does Mary sound like an entree?
Food was okay.  My eggs were better than their eggs.  The grits were really good.  Anyway, for the $$$ we don't feel the need to go back. 
As we were sitting there, someone at the table behind me knocked over a glass of something.  NayNay-Mae immediately commented how cool it was that it wasn't me who spilled...the seed was planted.

Lucky for me it was just a dribble and not a full-on spill.  I have no idea how it happened either.  If you are wondering about that Bloody Mary, it is indeed a Virgin BM.  Wow, now we're attaching the word "bloody" to the virgin.  I don't like where this is headed.  Sounds like someone murdered poor Mary-The-Entree.

I discovered that a Virgin Bloody Mary is nothing more than liquidy cocktail sauce.  I'm starting to realize you shouldn't drink drinks that were made to have alcohol in them.  It's like a vegetarian eating facon or tofurkey.  It's not good so don't do it.  If you're going to do it, suck it up and do the real deal!

Speaking of facon, some weeks ago, before I became a virgin drinker, Poppy, Jax-The-Amazing-Barfing-Dog and I were at our local hangout.  The bartender was serving bacon bloody marys.  I had to have one.  She also asked if she could give the little dog a piece of bacon.  Of course we said yes!  But the I realized the bacon, was in fact, facon!  Within minutes I see Jax (who is sitting on Poppy's lap) projectile vomit that darn facon.  Told you she was a connesewer!  Thank Dog-Up-Above, she missed the bar and it hit the floor. 

Here's the ingredients for the facon:


No wonder she Ragen'd all over the place.  I'm not even sure I'd feed it to those little jerk mice in our garage.  It would probably make them mutant!

So, our Heat-Seeking-Cat-Roger just loves to sit on top of Pooter-Poppy's computer.  Poppy usually puts foil or a hat on the computer so Roger won't sit on it.  Here is the latest Heat-Seeking-Roger deterrent:

Yeah, that's a pillow.  Someone wasn't thinking straight when they came up with that idea. 




Thursday, November 29, 2012

But I don't want to be a Hobbit...

I was commenting to FFM-Laurie that I felt like my nose had lost weight, but wasn't sure if it was that or my face was getting fatter.  Then she told me that as you age, your nose and ears continue to grow.  She said something else grows too, but I forget; I think it's your feet.

What's the one thing I hate almost as much as Minkeys?  Yeah, freakin hobbits!!

And now I find out, that's what I'm going to be when I grow up.  But I want to be a Sooper-Hero!

This bites!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What's on my mind?

All kinds of junk.  For instance, I was in the shower this morning, washing my face and I swear my nose lost weight.  Is that possible?  Maybe my face got fatter.

Another thing...about a month ago, Fatass gave up the boozie.  Yeah, like forever or until such time she gets diagnosed with some incurable disease, then she's going to go buy a pack of Virginia Slims Menthol Lights and a bottle of Maker's Mark and have herself a little party.  But I digress.

Why did Fatass give up the boozie you ask?  Well, she's been drinking consistently since she was 22, that's right, her life has been one giant party!  The problem with that is Fatass seemed to build up a tolerance to the effects of the nectar-o-the-gods and wouldn't you know it, by the age of 50, she could slam down a bottle of wine or two in an evening and have no ill effect.  Now, I'm not saying that Fatass is...well...(whisper when you say it) alcoholic; She just likes mind-altering things.  If it wasn't smoking, it was drinking...or both.  You're probably thinking "Wow, lucky for Fatass, she never got into crack or black tar heroin."  Oh, alright, that was me thinking that.

Now, Fatass has done lots of research (mostly on the Internets and a few books) on the subject of addiction.  She doesn't have an addictive personality, she's got a chemical imbalance which is caused by the drink (or formerly, the cigs).  Evidently, she just likes being high.  Take a way the boozy and you take away the chemical imbalance.  Kind of like Samson and his locks, only different...really different; I checked out that story on the Internets just to make sure I was referencing the right person.  Here are a few excerpts:

Requirements were set up by the Angel of the Lord that Manoah's wife (as well as the child) were to abstain from all alcoholic beverages (little drunk!), and her promised child was not to shave or cut his hair. He was to be a “Nazirite” from birth.

...Delilah calls for a servant to shave Samson's seven locks.  Since that breaks the Nazirite oath, God leaves him, and Samson is captured by the Philistines, who blind him. After being blinded, Samson is brought to Gaza, imprisoned, and put to work grinding grain.

Oh really??  Do people believe this malarkey?  Besides that, the dude only had 7 locks and that must have looked really weird.

I say who needs college when you've got the Internets and books?! Isn't this all so interesting?

Now that Fatass is just regular folk, she has started to notice lots of stuff.  Such as, we know, boozie is just empty calories....lots of calories.  Fatass thinks this is a major contributor to her girth, well that and being 50.  Now that a boozie-free month has passed and that means about 500 or so empty calories a day that Fatass isn't consuming, Fatass keeps expecting to wake up a Sin Fwench Woman; it hasn't happened...yet.  It's coming though, she can feel it.  I'm pretty sure this why her nose feels smaller.

I've always been a klutzy (but happy) drunk.  Seriously, I'm surprised my peeps haven't given me a sippy cup.  Come to find out though, I'm just plain klutzy.  I've been spilling all over myself even without the drink.  The last thing I spilled was a very hot cup of tea on my lap.  Ouch.  I'm hoping for a sippy cup and bib for Christmas!

You know what they say about being sober and hanging out with drunks?  I don't really remember what they say, but it's not like I thought it would be, probably because I was the one who was always the drunk. What else...Oh, I've been sleeping really good and I wake up early, just like I use too.  I feel dizzy a lot, but that can be something that incurable disease I was referring to earlier.

I had my first sober was just like every other Thanksgiving, except I remembered the event the next day.

Remember how I want to be a Superhero?  Well that and a stay-at-home-mom.  Part of my personality that I inherited from my Dad was a wee negative side.  You know how you have "self-talk"?  My self-talk isn't always positive, especially when it comes to change or doing what's best for me.  Don't get me wrong, it doesn't tell me to do bad things like light ants on fire with a magnifying glass, pull the wings off of flies or other bad things.  That would be wrong.  Anyway, in my research, this is referred to as The Ego.  The Ego is bad and we know Fatass is good.  So I decided to give The Ego a better name and a face.

Behold, the NEGIMONSTER:

Oh, wait, that's Hanky-The-Christmas-Pooh...

Here we go:

Yeah, that's Fatass' negative alter-ego.  So now that it has a name and a face, Fatass can conquer it and then use her powers for good!

Stay tuned, there's some exciting stuff coming Sooper-Fatass' way!


Sunday, November 25, 2012

And now it's all over...

One holiday down, one to go!  I can't even think of putting anymore Thanksgiving in my mouth...thanks but no thanks!  here's the last of the Thanksgiving slurry that I et:

We also served prime rib so I made Yorkshire Pudding for the first time.  That was really cool.  Do you know the history of Yorkshire Pudding?  I didn't.  Why consult the Internets when I have Poppy-Pedia right here.  Seems that the poor folks would only get the drippings from the meat so to make something out of the drippings to fill the tummy, somebody came up with Yorkshire Pudding.  Not sure I believe it.  Where did they get the drippings and yet none of the meaty bits?

So I consulted the Internets after all.  Basically, it's the same, except they did have the meat; it was a way to stretch the meal.  In fact, it was served as a first course.  So there you go!  Oh, and it's not considered Yorkshire Pudding unless it's at least four inches tall.  Mine was not, so it's called "Dripping Pudding".

Here's Seester making her famous deviled eggs:

Oh and Pumpkin-Poppy made the family's Triangle-C Pumpkin Cheesecake:


So everyone kept saying how moist the turkey was.  I couldn't figure it out cause it was just a regular Merican Foster Farms turkey.  I put rosemary, a head of garlic and some shallots in the cavity; rubbed the outside with butter, salt and pepper and that was it...until long after Turkey-Carving-Poppy and I were home and she told me she found the bag of giblets in the cavity!

Here's the thing, I thought it was weird that those nice Merican folks at Foster Farms would only put the neck in the cavity.  I swear, I rooted around in that cavity, which wasn't that big, more than once and from both ends and found nothing!

At least the bag was paper and not plastic!

Note to self: for a very moist turkey, leave the bag-o-giblets in the cavity.

Moving on...I spied a bag in the freezer marked "pork bits".  Say, let's make pork chili!!!  So that's what I did.  Even more Nom than my "Giblet Turkey".

Normally, I wouldn't have salad with chili, but I'd not seen anything green in days...


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Countdown Begins...

Thanksgiving is just about I write this Bro-N-Law is at the store with the grocery list.  That's right Seester and I sent him out all on his own to do the whole thing...

Now Seester and I are highly organized so the shopping list was set up in the order of the store if you enter and take a right.  So far, we've only had one Food 911 call.

So, on Le Menu:

Crudites (just about the only healthy thing you'll find)
Jumbo Black Olives (yes, you must put them on the end of your fingers...because it's fun, that's why!)
Mom's Cookies (no holiday is complete without them)
Spanish Peanuts (For Dad...the ones with the red skins on them, Damn it!)
Deviled Eggs (Seester makes the best!)

Salady Things
Dad's Fruit Salad (don't even think of calling it Ambrosia)
Cranberry Sauce (Fresh whole and the stuff in the shape of the can; yes!)

Mashed Potatoes (Duh)
Gravy (Duh, II)
Corn Nibblets w/bacon fried in piggy fat (I'm thinking indigenous to the holiday AND I love the word "Nibblet")
Mom's Stuffing (Just the best thing ever)
Horsey Sauce
Yorkie Pudding
Dinner Rolls (Bro-N-Law's Bro works at a Phew-Phew market and will bring those)

Meaty Offerings
Prime Rib (we hope)

Pumpkin Pie (store bought...I ain't no baker, remember?)
Pumpkin Cheesecake (Spring-Form-Pan-Poppy is making it!)
Acorn Candy (little blobs of peanut butter rolled in the shape of an acorn, dipped in chocolate and then a piece of pretzel is stuck in the top as a branch)

Here's a little T-Day trivia:

Historians have suggested that many of the dishes were likely prepared using traditional Native American spices and cooking methods. Because the Pilgrims had no oven and the Mayflower’s sugar supply had dwindled by the fall of 1621, the meal did not feature pies, cakes or other desserts, which have become a hallmark of contemporary celebrations.
This was right before we gave the Native Americans all our contagious diseases.  I will think of this as I shove a piece of that pumpkin cheesecake down my gullet!
Sometime last year, you may recall that me, Seester and FFM-Laurie went on a diet.  You had to pay $5 a week to weigh in and if you gained any weight, you had to throw in $1 per pound gained.  Well, as the weeks went on, it was clear that none of us were taking this very serious.  We decided it was stupid and that we should take the money and do what any fatties would do...go out to dinner!

Tonight we head to Nick's Rockaway with $122 towards our dinner!

I leave you with this, just cause she so stinkin cute!

Hope you and yours have a fabulous Day of Thanks!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Unseasoned Bread Cubes...

Why is it so hard to find unseasoned bread cubes??  This is the third year in a row I couldn't find them.  Mind you, I don't mind making my own, but that takes time and I've got better things to do!

Gotta keep the door closed so the cat doesn't sit on the bread...Mmmm furry stuffing!

So, in Fatass' attempt to be a sin fwench woman, look at what Stamina-Stepper-Poppy got her:

That's right, I can exercise while I work.  I will admit it's a little hard to type while standing on it, but you can also use it sitting.  That's much easier.  I've only sent 3 emails to the wrong people...this needs some getting use too.

Did someone say new shoes??

That's right, Fatass got a (oh, alright, another) pair of new shoes.  Tightwade-Poppy swears she said I couldn't get them until the beginning of December, but I heard no such thing.  She's a very poor liar, by the way.  Anyway, it's been, well, a whole two months since I've bought a new pair of shoes...and I've been a very good girl!  Besides, these are really the last pair of shoes I'll ever need...really!

Bye bye!

Monday, November 12, 2012

I say "Fashion Yes!"...

So. Fatass decided to get serious about dropping some pounds...yeah, more serious than the other five times...Besides the whole Primal Diet that she and Neanderthal-Poppy have been on for almost three years, Fatass has given up the boozie...and she thinks it's pretty much a forever thing.

Anyway, in order to start a new program, one must dress for success!  Shoppy-Poppy and Fatass set out today for some new exercise clothes.  Fatass fancies herself a runner, after all she did complete a marathon in 1998.

Check it out the new duds:

I know, I can just hear all the girls and boys whistling as I run past...

Just to make sure I could stretch out in my new suit of polyester:

Talk about flexibility, eh?

Don't forget the Wall Stretch:

You're probably also wondering about my running boots.  I got these at the "Run Forrest Run" store.

I decided I loved the outfit and it was so dang comfy that I wore it home.  I think I started something cause folks were pointing and covering their mouths with excitement!  I think I even heard someone say "Caliente".  Oh yeah, Fatass is a hottie, alright!  I think Poppy's gonna get her some of that!

Gotta run!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

I had a scathingly brilliant idea...

For a new herb salt. Won't tell you what it is cause I'm unveiling for the holidays.

Guess you could probably figure it out from the pic.

Everything was going swell, until I washed my knife...

Why is it, the only time I cut myself is when I'm cleaning my knife.  Anyway, it's kind of bad.  Pretty sure I cut it to the bone but ain't no way I'm going to the emergency room.  I asked Good-Aseptic-Technique-Poppy if she would stitch it up for me, but she said some junk about introducing infection or something.  Boo!  Hey, maybe I'll cauterize it...I can do that with one hand and metal skewer and don't need no stinkin help!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!