You apply for Long Term Care Insurance. Actually, you know you're old when you have to start thinking about this stuff.
That's right folks, I'm one step closer to wearing my seafoam green velour jogging suit, riding my Hoveround while shouting obscenities and trying to mow down small children. YES!
I guess the good news is, I'm healthy enough to have made it through the underwriting process without any exclusions. What does all this mean? It means that I-Don't-Like-Pooh-Pooh-Poppy won't have to change my dirty XXL big-girl diapers.
All this peace of mind for the low, low price of $100 per month. What are the odds I make it through old age with no problems whatsoever, drop dead and never use the benefit? I'll be pissed! Can you imagine...say I stay healthy until like I'm 90. I'm 52 now. So, 90 - 52 = (wait, let me get my calculator...) 38 years, I think. Multiply that by $1,200 per year and that's a lot like (wait, let me get my calculator...) 45,000ish dollars. Hmmm, I thought it would be more. Now it doesn't seem so bad. Although, with that kind of cash, I could buy a butt-load of shoes AND a different shade of Jordan Almond jogging suit for every day of the week!!!
Okay, I only see 6 colors of the Jordan Almond...guess I'll be doubling up on one...hope my XXL big-girl diapers don't leak cause then I'll smell like old lady peepee. Don't-Make-Me-Smell-Old-Lady-PeePee-Poppy would not take kindly to that!
Like sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives!