Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Today, I'd like to talk about toilet paper...

Why do I want to talk about toilet paper?  Well, Puff-Pastry-Poppy and I were at O'Reilly's Irish Pub last night...I had the smoked haddock and leek pot pie thing.  Damn good.  Poppy had the Irish stew.  Double damn good.  We stopped in to listen to some Irish "trad" music.

Anyway, I had to tinkle so I went into the bathroom and saw this:

I got to thinking about the humble toilet paper and how these companies come up with the names and the advertising campaigns.  I never realized how competitive selling toilet paper can be.  I mean, what the heck does toilet paper have to do with heaven?  Have you ever been touched by Heaven?  I haven't.

So, I consulted my Internets to see what is going on in the toilet paper world...I found more religious toilet paper:

Angel Soft...how do we know that an angel is soft?  That's no angel, that's a baby.  If that baby is an angel, that means it's dead, yet it looks alive.  Guess that esplains the halo.  Creepy.

Next up, the animals.  I have never seen a bear use Charmin or any toilet paper for that matter.  Although, I've never really witnessed a bear shitting in the woods so I can't confirm or deny that the bear uses toilet paper, but if Mr. Bear does use the toilet paper, he uses 4x less if he's using the Charmin!

Here's Lambi.  Evidently, Lambi is a smart lamb cause he's wearing glasses.  The picture is so small that I can't read the writing on the toilet paper.  I hope it isn't offensive. What's even more shocking than Lambi wearing glasses is that Lambi can write! Must have opposable hooves.  If the toilet paper was made of wool, I could totally get on board with lamb/toilet paper analogy, but really, who wants to wipe their butt with wool?  

One of my favs...

Who wouldn't buy Hello Kitty Kiss toilet paper?!

Okay, and this last one I find particularly offensive:

It's bad enough that the Techsters are taking over our town, but now they have their own elitist toilet paper? WTF?!  Probably made with gold dust and the tears of displaced San Franciscans. I hate to admit it, but I'd secretly like to try this elitist toilet paper.  Are the sheets bigger?  Are the plys hand sewn?  Will it blow smoke up my ass?  Whatever!

Now I'm depressed.  Let's talk about happy stuff like:

My radish plate, poppies and BACON!

I don't really want to talk about them, just want to exit this with happy stuff.

Yay for me!

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