Tis the season...again!

I really don't mind the holidays.  I kind of look forward to them, but I think that's just cause I have some farbricated memory of roasting chestnuts on an open fire with Jack Frost nipping at my nose.  Who is Jack Frost anyway?  Freakin pedophile!  And who are these folks dressed up like Eskimos? This isn't Alaska...we don't even get snow.  They probably have whale blubber for their holiday dinners for Christ sakes!  Speaking of Christ, isn't Christ(mas) about the little dude's birthday?  Why is he nekked and not dressed up like an Eskimo? Is Christ really his legal last name? Jesus Christ.  What's his middle name? NMN, that's what it is!

Got me to thinking so I checked my internets for extremely accurate renditions of the nativity scene.

This would look real if it weren't plastic.  That guy on the right, is that Jesus?  If so, who's the little baby dressed up like an Eskimo eating water chestnuts in that basket thing?  Are the animals sitting around cause they want to eat the straw in JC's bed...or do they want to eat JC? If they ate JC would that be considered a holy sacrifice in the animal kingdom or just Christ(mas) dinner?

So, this one looks pretty accurate too...only they don't have any faces and they're all white people and some little girl (at least I think it's a little girl) is playing the piano, which I'm pretty sure hadn't been invented yet.  What's the deal with Eeyore on the left?  I sure as hell know he wasn't invented yet!

Okay, this one is my favorite...not only do they not have faces, they are made of toilet paper and I believe Mary is holding Baby-JC cause a couple of those "wise men" have clubs and knives and look like they're going to mess with Baby-JC.  They're probably Tea-Party Republicans.  Wait, didn't the Eskimos have clubs too?  Weird.

I don't even know where to begin with this one.  I'm pretty sure that JC is fake.  The little wise guy has his pajama bottoms on his head and the oldest girl never changed out of her Halloween costume.  The girl playing Mary looks like one of those kids with that old person disease where you age like 10 years for every year.  The kid on the left is the creepy neighborhood kid that brought along his hobblie-horse thing that he probably dry humps when he thinks nobody is looking...

Anyway, I don't know why I got on to that subject cause that's not why I started this thing...I received a See's catalog in the mail and was fingering through it...

See the rocket guy?  What on earth does he have to do with delivering with care?  That is not the picture I would have picked.  Maybe a little black mommy cat holding her baby in her mouth.  Or maybe an Eskimo carrying a club in one hand and a baby seal in the other...

and this one; Christmas cheer is here? Where in the world is Christmas cheer represented by a bugle?  Where's the cocktail or that gross Andre sparkling wine crap?  Bells!...now if there were bells, I might think of Christmas cheer.  I'm not sure why, but I would.  If Mary See was alive, she'd be pissed.

Happy Holidays...