Guess what time it is???

That's right, time for another installment of Our New Office!

Okay, so the representatives from the Stupid Machine company came out today to talk about ways we can streamline our printing.  Here was my goal:  Stick a piece of letterhead or an envelope in the Stupid Machine, press a button and it miraculously prints.  How difficult can it be?  We were able to do this over at our old building with our very old printers; you know, the ones that had the hamster running on the wheel inside the machine?

So, let's get started.  I explained the above to the two Stupid Machine guys.  Whut-Waaaa... afraid it's just not possible...simple as my request was.  Here is your 13, that's right 13!!! easy steps to printing an envelope.  Lucky for me though, to print a letter, it only requires 12 steps.

Here we go...

Step 1:

Fold the little guide thingy in on Tray 1 (aka bypass tray).

Step 2:

This is where it starts to get really stupid.  Pull the lever to open the bowels of the Stupid Machine.  One should never have to do this unless there is a jam...Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I could electrocute myself!  Whatever, if I live through it, I'm sure I'll never be printing anything ever again anyway.

Step 3:

See that little gray piece next to the yellow sticker with the "!" that says WARNING HIGH TEMPERATURES?  Turn it.

Step 4:

See the little gray button on the other side?  Yeah, the one next to the yellow sticker with the "!" that says in Korean "WARNING HIGH TEMPERATURES".  I'm pretty sure that's Korean.

Unfortunately, my hand is covering another little yellow sticker with another "!" with a picture of a thermometer and a circle with a pie-chart that has red, blue and some wavy lines.  I think it means the Stupid Machine will hit 360 degrees if the fan isn't on.  Now, that's hot!  Why don't they just put a picture of my chard bony fingers?!

I'm feeling pretty good about this so far.  Oh yeah, if you can feel your fingers, turn that gray knob.

Step 5:

Close the cover and lower that paper guide thing so it can receive the envelope.  Now, we're getting somewhere!

Step 6:

Even though it doesn't say so, put your envelope in face side down with the flappy-thing facing to your left.

Step 7:

Walk back to your computer and choose your "Envelope" button.  At this point, you may have to go into your "Options" tab to make sure your envelope choice is #10.  Note that you will also need to choose the tab that shows the envelope sitting in the tray with the flappy-thing facing right; it's okay...that's one of those nifty intuitive things you'll pick up on by trial and error.  I can't believe how streamline this is!

Step 8:

Hit the "Print" button.

Step 9:

Okay, now run back to the Stupid Machine and hit the "Size" button.

Step 10:

Scroll down until you see No. 10 Envelope and hit that button.  Note that the most used button next to "Letterhead" will be your #10 Envelope button.  Guess they couldn't take it out of alphabetical order.  Um...so far, this blows!

Step 11:

Hit the "Type" button and choose "Plain".

Step 12 and 13:

Note, I combined the last two steps cause my "smartphone" was running out of memory.  Okay then, hit the "Color" button, choose your favorite color and then hit "Confirm".

Is it just me or did your eyes roll in back of your head?

If all has gone according to plan, you should have an envelope with some writing on it.  Easy-squeezy, no?

I was going to ask those guys about printing labels, but then I thought screw it....I'll hand-write my labels with my inkwell and quill!

See ya!

TGIF-n-Stuff...

Last night, we had steak.  I wanted to saute mushrooms and onions to put on top.  Done!  We had some romaine lettuce too.  Foodie-Poppy had mentioned she wanted a Cesar salad so I looked up a recipe for Cesar dressing.  I had to find one that I actually had all the ingredients for.  Done!  It called for anchovy fillets, but I only had anchovy paste...that had an expiration date of 2008.  I smelled it, it smelled fishy, but not bad fishy like...say...Skipjack Tuna in the can.  Meow!  That stuff smells like cat food.  I even had a free-ranging egg.  I've never made this before so putting the egg yolk in was fun.  Check it out:

There's the egg yolk...

All done!  It was good too.

And the finished dinner...

Darn tasty!

So we're having a garage sale on Sunday.  I've been instructed by Mean-Poppy to give up some of my babies for adoption.  You know, I just shudder at the thought of giving up any of my shoes, but I managed to let go of four pairs...

So, if I sell them, check out the new baby I will give birth too!

Here's my dilemma...Which color?  I'm willing to admit I have a "few" pairs of chocolate colored boots and one pair of this tan color.  Hmmm.  Shoes, glorious shoes!!

How about another episode of "Our New Office"?

Not sure where I left off on printing letters, envelopes or labels on our new state-of-art printers.  Well, I tried yet again to print a simple sheet of labels for file indexing.  After about an hour, they finally printed...

I know the detail is bad, but the way they printed, the first top quarter of the label is cut off.  To draw attention from these ugly labels, I put this on the front of the binder.  It's for BK's all day meeting on Monday...

She said she's more excited about the pic than the meeting.

I digress...I've reached my limit!!  On the printer is written "To learn more contact www.MRC360.com".  Well, I'd love to learn more, so I went to the website.  Just as frustrating as the Stupid Machine.  Finally, I found an email address and sent an email.  A guy called me and said "You seem a little frustrated."  REALLY??

So he and his buddy, David-The-Account-Representative are coming out on Monday morning.  Here's the thing, both these guys are sales guys so I'm not confident they're going to fix this.  I'm not even sure there is a fix. It's not broken, it's just time consuming and stupid.

Well, I'm going home soon. Have a great weekend!

I'm Baaaaaaaccccccckkkkkk!

Ever wonder what feeding time sounds like in the Cubefarm?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QCcmqaEMPI&feature=related

Later.

Typhoid Fatass...Day 3.

It's not pretty, folks...

I'm still home, but I think I'm turning the corner.  I hope so cause Boss BK comes back to work tomorrow after her two-week South American vacation so I need to get to work.

I-Want-A-Stay-At-Home-Mom-Jax has been very happy I've been home.

Because I've been feeling like cacadoodie, it was Chef-Poppy's turn to cook the dinnah.  I had a hankrin for turkey sandwiches, hold the bread.  Shoppy-Poppy stopped at the store on the way home and then she started to assemble the sandwiches...and then this happened:

And then she ate it!  I think Apocalyptic-Poppy just saved the world...

My hero!

Typhoid Fatass...

Yep, home in bed with a raging sore throat.  Wonder who gave it to me?  I told Germaphobe-Poppy I must have licked on too may doorknobs.  Good news, Fatass doesn't have much of an appetite so she's losing more weight!

Anyway, we had some friends over on Saturday for dinner and a movie.  Not just any friends, these are Zombie obsessed friends.  We watched 28 Days and then 28 Weeks.  Although, we really didn't watch them cause we were all talking too much.  So, when the Zombies attack, make sure you get to Kasa Kecky cause we've got it all figured out!

I made my chili:

And Innovative-Zombie-Lovin-Poppy made a coconut-rum brain jell-o mold complete with cranberry bullet holes!

Crappy picture.  Anyway, I went to put the leftover brain away and it slid right off the plate, into the sink and right down the drain.  I didn't break the new to Never-Throw-Food-Away-Poppy until the next morning.  Lucky for me, she thought it was funny.

I've been spending some time in the kitchen this weekend too.  I find that if we can stock up on food for the week, it makes it so easy for lunches.  Let's see what I did...

Sunday, we had a Caprese salad for a snack.  Heirloom tomatoes made all the difference.

Then I decided we'd try some turkey since I'm getting tired of beef and chicken.  I did my turkey ala NOM NOM Chicken but also rubbed some poultry spice on it.  Twas very NOMMY.

Then yesterday, once out of my sick bed, I had a craving for some bolognese sauce.  We had a chub of Italian sausage in the fridge.  So that's what I did...served it over spaghetti squash.  Another NOMMY dinner.

I'm afraid tonight the kitchen is closed due to illness.  I think Poppy will be fixing me some grub.

Time for more chicken broth.

Chow!

Gentle Judy...

That was my Mom's nickname.  It was a well-earned nickname too.  I believe I've posted about it before so I don't want to repeat myself...oh, too bad, it's my blog and I can do what I want.

Dad happened to choke on a See's Milk Chocolate Covered Cherry (don't you be giving him any dark chocolate, for Christsakes!) and Mom thought he needed the Heimlich (mind you, he was coughing so that meant he was breathing) so she snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his ribcage and squeezed as hard as he could.  All I heard was..."JESUS cough CHRIST, cough I cough THINK cough YOU cough BROKE cough MY cough RIBS!"  I think that was the incident that earned her the nickname.  Dad even named his boat Gentle Judy.  Yeah, that was his boat that had the Buick V6 Block Engine or so that's what I remember Dad gushing about.  Say, let's consult the Internets:

The Buick 90 Degree V6 Engine



The Buick V6 started its production life in the 1962 Buick Special. It was a 90 degree engine and its first displacement was 198 CID. It was dubbed the "Fireball".


Buick had worked with the innovative 215 aluminum block V8 (later to be an Olds, then ultimately a Rover engine), but it was difficult to build and had its quirks. Buick set its sights on the iron block Fireball, derived from the 215 V8. However, it did not share engine block bolt patterns or engine mount bolt patterns.


Because the V6 was essentially a shortened V8, the engine had a unique odd-fire design - so called because of the unevenly spaced (at 90-150-90-etc.) firing impulses of this engine. This is the source of the characteristic and well-liked rumble.

NowZzzzzzzthat'sZzzzzzzinteresting! So it wasn't a block, it was a 90 degree engine.  Whatever.

Okay, why am I bringing up Gentle Judy?  Well, I guess one of the few things that I take after my Mother would be her gentle style (the other few things are her big boobies and narrow hips.  But wait, no more big boobies for me!).  For example, remember in my last post that I bought a coat rack?  Well, it came today...unassembled, much to my disappointment.  But the picture seemed pretty intuitive, and it even came with a little thing of glue, although the picture didn't esplain what I was supposed to do with said glue.

So, I put it together...

It was looking great, until...

Crap, I guess I know what the glue is for!

Speaking of which, time for another installment of Our New Office!

A few days after we all moved in and unpacked, one of my co-workers, bless their heart, said that they were unable to locate their stapler.  Mind you, we were given four crates in which to pack our junk.  How could you lose your stapler?  Anyway, I just happen to have one in stock; not just any stapler either, an ergonomic one!  That was a few days ago.  My co-worker just came to me with an example of how the ergonomic stapler is defective and they want another one.  Of course, I had to test it for myself...

I'm willing to admit that staple #6 gave me a wee trouble, but it did go in straight.

I had to begged my Administrative Assistant (hold the Secretary) friends for an extra stapler.  Got one...and you best bet I've tested it and it works perfectly.  Goodness freakin gracious, what a struggle this week has been.

So Fatass and LuvBacon are in their third week of Fat Adaptation.  Of course you want to know what that is.  As you know, we've continued on our low-carb lifestyle.  We're into our second year now.  But now it's time to kick it into gear and drop some weight.  Fat Adaptation is when you have your body burn Fat instead of Carbs.

This is achieved by eating fifty or under grams of carbs per day for 3 to 4 weeks.  You can actually do this permanently, but really, some fruit here and there would be nice.  Okay, so your carbs come from non-startchy veggies and some cheeses.  Not to get graphic, but you'd best include a lot of salad with that cause your "by-product" comes out like hard little Sugar Babies.  No foolin.  Fatass and LuvBacon have also limited their intake of Nectar of the Gods to only the weekend.  Good news; we're finally dropping some weight.  Bad news; Fatass misses her Nectar during the week.  It's so fun to cook and have a glass or two.  But it's Friday and that means it's the weekend!!

Fun-fact: Your body stores something called "kcals". This is where you get your energy. One gram of carbohydrate equals 4 kcals. Your carbohydrate fuel tank can store up to 1,600-2,000 kcals. Fat on the other hand contains 9 kcals per gram of fat. So that means you've got 40,000 kcals stored in your fat fuel tank (trust me, I didn't do the math, I'm cribbing).  So, if you get your carb intake under 50g per day, you'll start burning your fat.  Not only that, you'll have energy stores that will last you days instead of hours.

I can't believe I actually understand this stuff.



Anyway, Happy Friday!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

Well I've been so busy and now have a free moment to write...Yeah, BK is somewhere in South America so, when the cats away...just kidding.  I've been working on our new area so thought I'd let you know what I've done, well, purchased so far to make our unhappy little home a little more unhappy...yet functional.  Don't get me wrong, you know I love my digs but I'm a minority.

Now that I'm on the subject of that...and what a sensagive subject it is!  I'm starting to feel the same way I did when it was "Bad Mood Sunday" growing up. That was when my Mom was in such a bad mood, we all had to suffer for it.  I'm walking on eggshells here.  I can't say anything nice about the place to anyone cause they'll find 12 other things that are wrong.  Some folks I don't even want to talk too...I started to notice I walk through the office with my head down trying to make small so I don't disturb anyone.  I'm stuck in my own little prison of happiness.  I just want Mommy-BK to come home!

Okay, back to my shopping spree...

Human nature/ingenuity is such a funny thing.  Give someone a square room, a chair and computer and they'll work wonders.  So, first order of business...

We needed an in/out box and an organizer for the Stupid-Machine:

I'm going with black metal mesh. I think it works best with our state of the art Cubeland.

Next, I had to get myself a pencil sharpener and my co-worker a mouse pad:

That's right, I'm like a 5 year-old and I like to write some stuff in pencil.  I mostly doodle, like today in our AV Training.

Wonder which mouse pad she'll chose?  I know, you're on pins and needles...wait for it...wait for it...

She went with the leaves...said it reminded her of home were it was warm.

What else...Oh, we need a coat rack:

The cubes have an added glass piece at the top for more privacy, so one of those nifty little coat hanger hook things won't fit and since some of us can't hang our coats on our chair, I ordered this.  I opted not to get one without an umbrella holder.  I figured that would open up a whole can of worms with having a wet floor...a slipping hazard, really.  Safety first!

So now that folks have settled in, I'm afraid Bad-Mood-Everyday has gotten worse.  We have a phone room.  This is where you can take and make phone calls in private.  Unfortunately, someone likes to use the speaker phone and yell at it, so now I have to purchase...

Yep, a wireless headset with extra ear sponges so we can each have one.  Hygiene first!

Say, any idea how loud a carrot sounds when you eat it in Cubeland?

It's deafening!  Wanna know what eating a gooshy banana sounds like in Cubeland?  No, you don't.

I think if all this crap keeps up, I'm going to have to apply for a Comfort Dog License and bring my sweet little Jax to work so I can be happy and comforted.  Sounds like a plan to me.

See, don't you feel comforted and happy?  I do.

See ya!

Thursday's Dinner...

Kecky's Kreamy Mushroom Soup!  I've had this recipe sitting around for a couple of weeks that I wanted to try.  Scooter-Poppy and I were on our way home from picking up her scooter at the shop the other night.  We were headed for Tower Market at the top of Portola, but along the way noticed a farmer's market in the Castro, so we pulled over.  I needed two pounds of mushrooms, one pound of brown and a pound of mixed.  So, we found those and some really yummy heirloom tomatoes, squash and lemon cucumbers.

Last night was the night...I started cooking the mushrooms:

Part of the recipe calls for some boozy and said if I was feeling "chef-y" I could flame the shroomies.  Guess what?  I was feeling chef-y:

FLAME-ON!

Of course, I didn't tell Fire-Marshall-Poppy that I was doing this cause she'd never allow me to make fire in the kitchen.  I wonder why?  Hmmm... Anyway, I did it perfectly, and the kitchen is still intact! Smelled really good too.

Here's the finished product:

It was really NOM!!

Here's the recipe...I doctored it, so it's mine now.

Kecky’s Kreamy Mushroom Soup

Ingredients:

1 pound mixed mushrooms, cleaned, stems separated from caps

1 pound brown mushrooms, cleaned, stems separated from caps

1/5 cups minced shallot

8 sprigs thyme

2 sprig rosemary

½ cups bourbon (or marsala)

4 tablespoons olive oil
salt and pepper

6 cups chicken stock

1 cup whipping cream

1/2 cups chopped chives

Instructions:

Rough chop the mushroom stems and simmer them, covered, in the chicken broth for about an hour.

In the meantime, heat the oil in a large skillet, and saute the shallots until transparent. Add the herbs and salt & pepper liberally.

Chop the mushroom caps into a 1/2" dice. Add them to the shallots. Keep the heat very low and cook gently until the mushroom liquid is released and reabsorbed. Shake the pan so they don't stick. Remove the thyme and rosemary.

Turn up the heat and add the bourbon. Note: I only use ¼ cup of the bourbon for the mushroom and ¼ cup for the cook.  Flame-On if you're feeling really chef-y. Cook the mushroom cap/shallot mixture down until well reduced.

Add the beautiful mushroom cap and shallot mixture to the broth and heat gently, check for seasoning.

Swirl in the cream and chives and serve.

Optional: a drop or two of truffle oil in the bowl when serving.  That was a Porcine-Poppy addition.  I find truffle oil smells and tastes like a petroleum products.


Note: Don't ask me why there is an underline on some of the parts of the recipe. The are former hyperlinks that I removed, but this stupid blog won't let me remove them!

Last night was my first test run with the new and improved Snore-No-More mouth guard.  When I first put in, it was that feeling of the doc putting the tongue depressor down your throat.  So now it was mind over matter...I told myself to relax and go with it.  After that, I was all good, except for the over-salivation...I feel like a hound-dog waiting for some bacon bacon!

I think my tongue was still able to escape cause Sleep-No-More-Poppy woke me up once.  After that, it seemed all good.

We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes.


Have a great weekend!

Snore-No-More...

So I went back to Dr. Dreamy-Farmer this morning to have my first adjustment on my Snore-No-More.  Remember what it looked like when I first got it?

It needed a lot of adjusting and come to find out, I basically have no gag reflex.  Here's how it looks now:

There is something very strange looking about this.  Every time he gave it to me after he'd made an adjustment, I giggled like a little girl...and I'm not sure why.  Can a gay woman have a crush on a gay man?  Hmmm.

I'd also mentioned to a few of you that after I was all done, Dr. Dreamy-Farmer made the chair go up to a normal position, I looked down to find that my pants had been unzipped the whole time.  Pretty girl!

See ya!

Why are weekends so short?

My weekend started at about 1:30 on Friday afternoon.  Off to visit my old friend, Jeannie.  I'm sure I've mentioned this before, we've been friends for over 30 years. She lives Sacramento...where it's about 100 degrees.  Remember how anything over 68 is a heatwave for me?  Yeah, this is HOT!

I stopped in at Jeannie's store (Food Source) to do grocery shopping for the weekend.  Got the fixings for a steak salad for Friday night and Buffalo wings on Saturday night.

Then I went to Jeannie's house to prep dinner before she got home.  I get there and find my room.  Know how I found my room?

Here's her living room:

I know you're thinking WTF?  Well, I'm not at all surprised by the living room, given the fact that she really likes the minkey.  But the bedroom was a cruel joke.

Oh, then we get in the car...

I evidently gave this to her as a gift.  It's a slingshot minkey.  When you throw it and it hits someone...say Pamela Deis' back it makes this shrieking screaming noise.  Right Dead-Eye-Poppy?

Whatever.

So, the steak salad was really good, but the Buffalo wings were crazy NOM.  My best ever.

I call this Buffalo Wing Carnage.

When I got home on Sunday, Poppy and Puppy were out for a walk.  When they came home, I was unpacking and doing my usual weekend laundry.  When I came upstairs, I found this:

Jaxibal Lecter!

I know you're asking yourself why we would even think of putting a muzzle on our sweet little dog. I will tell you why...She's allowed to ride on MUNI if she has a muzzle on.  This is just a loose little fabric thing that we would remove once we were on the bus or street car.  Now I need to research BART's pet policy.

So remember how I got the PureSleep snore stopper thing and how it worked great until I developed a TMJ disorder?  Well, sleeping hasn't been great since then.  I took the sleep apnea test and flunked it; meaning no C-PAP machine for me.  In talking to Dr. Dreamy-Farmer, he said he could make me a custom stop-snoring mouth guard.  Here it is:

$1,500 later...it fits on the bottom teeth and that part in the middle pushes the tongue down so it doesn't slide to the back of your throat.  Note, if you have any kind of gag reflex, this is not the thing for you.

It will take many adjustments (adding acrylic to push the tongue further and further down) but once it's done it should cure my snoring.  I wore it last night for the first time.  Needs major adjusting.  I was making some really weird noises.  Plus, you can't really swallow when you have it in.  That's interesting, especially if you don't fall asleep really fast.  Fun fact: did you know you don't salivate while you sleep?  At least that's what I was told by Dr. Dreamy-Farmer and I'll believe anything he tells me!  Anyway, I woke up twice to swallow, once making that really weird noise and then I finally took it out.  Next adjustment is on Thursday.

How about another installment of "Our New Office".  Things were going so good...until I tried to print a letter on letterhead and an envelope.  Here's the problem:

This is the Xerox WorkCenter 6400, aka Stupid Printer.  Well, it's not just a printer but a fax and scanner too.  But who cares?  Yesterday, I spent the afternoon first trying to print a letter and then an envelope.  Mind you, I'd just had training on this Stupid Printer an hour before I tried to do these two very simple tasks.  Thing is, I'm pretty savvy when it comes to my computer, printer and copy machines.  I started to worry in the training when she said "When you print a letter on letterhead, you need to go into printer preferences and choose letterhead.  Then you go to the printer and choose letterhead"

Let me channel Dad for a moment..."Why the hell would I need to go into printer preferences, punch a bunch of buttons and then punch a bunch of buttons on the printer?"  I should be able to stick a piece of letterhead or envelope in and hit one button.

Then I stared thinking of my people and trying to explain to them how to print a letter or an envelope.  This just isn't going to fly.  I asked the lady for a quick and dirty way to print such things.  She told me to just choose the Bypass Tray.  That's a load of BS cause it didn't work!

After two hours of trying to print that stupid envelope, the Stupid Printer broke.  That was yesterday.  First thing this morning, FFM-Laurie and I were at it again.  She managed to get the envelope to start to print, but then it jammed, twice.  They finally got my Stupid Printer up and running.  I was also able to print an envelope, it jammed too and after I removed it I went to stuff the contents in the envelope and the address smeared all over it.  Seems our new stationary is made of some kind of paper/plastic blend.  Did I care, no (sorry STT), I could still read the address on the envelope, well except the parts that were all over my fingers. I mailed the F__ing thing anyway.

In the midst of all this, I told my co-worker to hand write his stupid letter and envelope!

Fun times!