Guess what Sunday was?

PORKAPALOOZA!  That's right, it was a day for all things pork.  At least that was the thought.  Remember that half a happy piggy we bought?  Well, we're trying to make some room for our next happy cow quarter that we'll pick up next weekend.  In the deep freeze is a giant package marked "PIG FAT" so my job yesterday was to render all that piggyfat down...and that's what I did.

First, you cut that fat into chunks.  Put it in a dutch oven with some water:

There was so much fat, that I had to do one on the stove top and one in the oven.  The whole process took about 5 hours.

Here's what it looks like rendered:

 

 

and the final product:

I got 6 pints of Liquid Gold out of all that pig fat!  I thought there would be more.

So in Fatass' endeavour to become a sin Fwench woman, she quit drinking...again and is now taking a kickboxing class.  She's had two classes so far and loves it.  What's not to love, you get to wear those goofy gloves that you can't pick up your water bottle with and you get to hit and kick shit.

On Saturday, Fatass took her second class.  She thought you'd like to see a picture of the studio and how freakin sinny and Fwench she looks.

Okay, baby steps People! Fatass didn't get this smokin fat body over night, you know.

Here's the thing, before you start hitting and kicking shit, you have to warm up.  On Saturday, this consisted of running around the circumference of the studio.  See that floor?  It's cushy and grippy.  See those shoes?  They're not cushy, but they are grippy.  So, there I am jogging around the circumference of the studio with the other 10 or so people, feeling all, well, Fwenchy...when all of a sudden, it feels like I'm starting to trip...oh, yeah...I'm really starting to trip and now I'm going to fall...wait, I think I caught myself from going all the way over...no wait, I...I...Oh man, I'm goin down...and hard.

There Fatass lays on the ground while all those 20-something-skinny-beeaaches run around her corpulent body.  The mic'd instructor comes running over...fast, like maybe he thinks Fatass broke a hip or something.  He asks me if Fatass is alright.  Did I tell you his mic was on?  Fatass says "Oh yeah." and then mumbles something about her foot getting caught on the grippy floor.  Finally, we're done with that stupid sticky floor running and we get to go over and stand next to our bags.  At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm bleeding from my knee and I'm afraid to look down for fear it will be running out the bottom of my pants and messing the sticky floor.

Anyway, the class starts.  I look across the room to the site where Fatass took her header and look at the mirror...there on the mirror are several of Fatass' greezy hand prints.  You could actually reconstruct the fall from looking at the position of the hand prints and then following the trail of the the oily prints that slid all the way down the mirror to the ground.

I'm going barefoot from now on!

I-Want-Someone-New-To-Play-With-Poppy's brother, Bill came over for the weekend.  While Fatass was busy making a different kind of ass out of herself, Poppy and Bro-Bill were playing all around town.  Since Bro-Bill is a handy kind of guy, we asked him if he wouldn't mind taking a look at the place on the house where all the wires come in from the telephone poles.  See, most wiring that comes from the pole, goes down a pipe that feeds into your house.  At the point where the wires go down the pipe, there is a hood that goes over the wires and the entrance of the pipe so no water gets in.  Well, some months back, we had a big wind storm and our hoodie thing fell off and that left the wires and the pipe exposed.  I'm figuring the first big rain we have, out house is going to short out and explode in a ball of fire.  Check it out:

Now we have House-Bling!  The other one was painted purple.  I like the natural shiny finish better.  It really makes that corner of the house POP, don't you think?  See in the background of the second picture how foggy it is?  The day before it was like 90 degrees.  We said hello and goodbye to summer in about 24 hours.

In return for Bro-Bill's expert Hoodie-House-Bling application we fed him MEAT!  You wanna see a happy guy?  Yeah, give him a hunk-o-beef and some mashed potatoes...

And as always, I had my little helper keeping an eye on me while I cooked:

She's just so darn cute...

Cow Bellas!

Parts is parts; pieces is pieces...

I've never found the penis very appealing to look at.  It always reminded me of a worm with a blow hole.  I know you're thinking that's probably why I'm a Lisbion.  True, but there are a few other reasons.

Anyway, Adventure-Poppy and I were out yesterday on a...well...adventure.  We went downtown to see that movie Elysium (don't bother...well, bother if you liked District 9..HATED IT).  Pajama-Poppy needed some new jammies.  So we hit Bloomies, Nordies and then Macy's.  After that we took the street car up to Castro for some Thai food.  Opps...I digressed.  So here's what we saw when we got off the street car:

Kinda changes your outlook on the penis when there are a bunch of them smiling at you, doesn't it?

Now, what would you call that:

a peloton of pee-pees;
a wealth of worms;
a jungle of Johnson's;
a posy of penis; or
a squad of sausage .

I could keep going, but why?

Speaking of low-hanging fruit, check out Roger's cheetah fluff:

It swings from side to side when she walks, poor girl.

Let see...we also took the little dog to the beach:

A girl and her dog...

Then someone needed a nap:

That's it.  Later.

She says "swill", I say "medley"...

The other day I bought two Pork Shoulder Blade Steaks.  They were probably a little more than a half-inch thick.  I figured if GrillMasta-Poppy grilled them they'd end up like shoe leather, so I thought...Let's braise them!

I had to come up with a braising liquid that didn't include flour and was creamy, but wouldn't curdle.  I also wanted some mushrooms.  At the store, I bought a box of organic french onion soup, a box of organic portobello mushroom soup and for the creamy, a jar of Classico Alfredo Sauce.

I sauteed some shallots and garlic and added it to my braising liquid...

Opps, that's not my braising liquid, those are my next shoe-glorious-shoe purchase!

Here it is:

I added some pepper and junk to it too.  Then I browned my Porky-Steaks:

Then I ran into the dilemma of deglazing the pot.  I didn't want to use any of the braising liquid for that cause I figured I'd make cheese or something.  BOOM, I had leftover kraut in the fridge that I'd made with some stock...and isn't kraut one of Porky's BFF?  I think so!  So I deglazed with that, then put the Porky-Steaks and the braising liquid back in the pot, brought it to a boil and stuck it in the oven for an hour and a half.

Yeah, NOM!

So I asked No-Wet-Meat-For-Me-Poppy if she wanted some leftovers for lunch.  She said:

Then today while I was enjoying my leftover Porky-Steak-Surprise, I emailed Dry-As-A-Bone-Poppy to tell her how good my lunch was and here's how the conversation went down:

Me: My porky steak surprise is so good!

My Worst Food Critic: Gag.

Me: You didn’t like it?  I thought it was really good.  Soggy pork, yum!!

MWFC: It was good. Just the day after as a swill …

Me: I can’t believe you used the word “swill” in connection with my wonderful dinner!  Hurumph!

MWFC: No, as your next day lunch, all liquidy and mixed up. That is the definition of a swill.

Of course I had to look up the definition of “swill” on my Internets…

Me: Hogwash!

1. liquid or partly liquid food for animals, especially kitchen refuse given to swine; hogwash.

2. kitchen refuse in general; garbage.

3. any liquid mess, waste, or refuse; slop.

4. a deep draught of liquor.

5. contemptibly worthless utterance or writing; drivel.

MWFC: What a great word!!

Me: But that’s not what I just ate!

MWFC: And there’s a big distinction between “swill” and “a swill.” Yours is a swill, not swill in general.

Me: I think “medley” is a better word…Pork Steak w/mushroom medley.

MWFC: Medley implies texture and differentiation…

Me: It’s there, it’s just subtle!

MWFC: Mm hmm.

Now, I'm the first to admit that I like foods that are...well...wet.  I also wouldn't mind if everything had cottage cheese on it.  The conversation continues:

MWFC: A lot of what you like is all flavors blended together in kind of a soupy mess. Like what I’m going to feed you through a straw in your old age.

Me: Thank the Cods for the NutriBullet!

MWFC: Zackly. Tasty swill.

Me: Great, now everything you feed me will be called “Tasty Swill”.

 

 

We're having a dry grilled steak and some over-cooked sweet potato fries and charred Brussels sprouts for dinner!  In fact, I think I'll dry-rub Poopy-Poppy's steak with some Ex-Lax!

 

Be safe and enjoy your weekend!

 

What's for dinner?

SUSHI!!!

That's right, Pesce-Poppy and I went out for sushi last night.  We've not had sushi in an age.  One of our standards is the Ama Ebi.  We like it cause they give you the tempura-battered little shrimpy-heads.  Check it out:

Pesce-Art!  I guess shrimp really isn't considered pesce...let's look that up on our Internets:

The term shrimp is used to refer to some decapodcrustaceans, although the exact animals covered can vary. Used broadly, it may cover any of the groups with elongated bodies and a primarily swimming mode of locomotion – chiefly Caridea and Dendrobranchiata. In some fields, however, the term is used more narrowly, and may be restricted to Caridea, to smaller species of either group, or to only the marine species. Under the broader definition, shrimp may be synonymous with prawn, covering stalk-eyed swimming crustaceans with long narrow muscular tails (abdomens), long whiskers (antennae) and slender legs. They swim forwards by paddling with swimmerets on the underside of their abdomens. Crabs and lobsters have strong walking legs, whereas shrimp have thin fragile legs which they use primarily for perching.

...and my eyes rolled in back of my head...

Okay, since we're on the subject of weird little crawly things, this morning I wanted to get a jump on my evening's plan of doing laundry.  So, I stick a load of laundry in the washer and then go to put the laundry soap in and here's what I find:

WTF??  Does this mean I'm not supposed to do laundry?  Or, perhaps Rodent-Hunter-Poppy doesn't want the mice doing the laundry for me?  Personally, I'd welcome anything or anyone to do the laundry for me.  I know there's some significance to this, but I just can't figure out what it is. 

Hmmm, that's it for today.

Later.

 

Don't you just love weekends?

I do.  You know why?  Cause I'm not here at work.  Not that I don't love my job or just about everyone I work with...well, with the exception of that one invasive person.  I've not talked about The-Invasive-One lately because I'm trying to be a positive person.  But honestly, his very being is abusive and obtrusive to everyone around him.

He has a stand-up desk now and has taken to standing and then putting his big foot up on the lower part of the desk.  Picture Capt. Morgan...

Now, here's some of the differences between Capt. Morgan and He-Who-Is-Invasive:

Mr. I isn't this young or good looking.
Capt. M doesn't smack continuously, as far as I know; he just drinks a lot.
Mr. I can't seem to keep all the food in his mouth...

I think today is shredded wheat day, by the way.

Okay, but the biggest advantage to Mr. I being able to throw a leg up on the desk is that all those farts come out more frequently and with minimal effort given that he's not sitting on his fart blow hole.

GOD-DUH!!

And now for something completely different...

Pretty.  I was in Tahoe over the weekend.

Hey, we're buying more happy cow so we need to eat up the stuff we have in the deep freeze:

Yeah, that's liver and onions.  Now, you're supposed to coat the liver with flour, but we don't do the white food.  I'd bought some coconut flour so I used that.  I have to say, it's not bad!

Chow!

It was a fun food weekend...

We had a long Dad weekend.  I like to cook for him when he comes.  Here's some of it...

He loves him some meat sauce so I made it!

Just a little NOM!

Weekend before last, Grillmasta-Poppy and I watched a bunch of BBQ shows so she was in the mood to cook up some ribs, so that's what she did.  Had that with some collard greens and corn-on-the-cobb:

Yep, that's bourbon and bacon in that glass.

Taa-Duh!

Of course, Jax always loves to help Poppy grill...

But here's the best part...Depression-Era-Poppy thought it would be fun to make her Grandma's ice cream recipe.

What a treat!

Back to our little dog...she's had this odd little black patch on her back leg for about a month or so.  I took her to the vet a while back and he gave me a referral to a dermatologist...yeah, I know.  Anyway, it seemed like it was getting better so I didn't take her.  Then I noticed it seemed to be getting worse, so we took her in.

She doesn't much like going to the vet, but after Dr. Vitale gave her some treats, she was all good.

Then he did a biopsy...more treats.

They were supposed to give her one stitch, but ended up giving her three.  He said she was completely patient the whole time.  Turns out, she's had a reaction to the rabies vaccination.  She can't have them anymore.  That's a small problem, because it's required by law so now I have to get an exception.  Fun!  That little visit set us back about $500...but we have pet insurance on Jax, so it won't be too bad and I get to take the stitches out!  I love doing that...

Yep, that's it.

Chow!!

Well that was a fun trip to South Carolina!

Not really, cause we had to cancel due to Typhoid-Poppy catching a very bad cold.  But, as of now she's won The War On Germs and is on the mend.

So, prior to The War On Germs, we had reservations to head to South Carolina to celebrate Aunt LeAnne's Birthday.  We were so sad to miss the trip.  The Uncle started sending us pictures.  It was nice at first...

The Uncle showing us all the places they were eating.  Sigh...

Then he sent us a picture of Carol and her Paella...

And then it got mean...Here's a picture of Carol and Aunt Kathy that was entitled "Poor Becky and Kelly".  Go ahead, twist that Paella pan in my back...

Just not fair, I tell ya!

Now I'm thinking this is kind of a staycation for me cause there's no way in hell I'm going to go to work when I was scheduled to be off.  So, I'd moved myself to the spare room with ear plugs so I wouldn't have to listen all those yummy noises that Sinus-Pain-And-Pressure-Poppy was making.  I know, I'm the milk of human kindness.  Somewhere around 7:00am on Thursday morning I hear what I think is a war going on outside.  I get up and here's what I see:

WTF??  Lucky for us, they're replacing the sewer pipes.  Then the next day:

When ya gotta go, you gotta go.  Here's what I can't figure...why would they put this Port-A-Potty a half block from the project site?  Oh, so they wouldn't have to smell it. They put it right in front of the house across the street.  NOM!

By Saturday, both Cabin-Fever-Poppy and I needed to get out.  So we took a little walk and then stopped in at our neighborhood joint.  Guess what Saturday is at the Riptide?

 

 

Yeah, BINGO!  We didn't win, but Jax sure looked pretty...

So there you go!